“The sensation doesn’t change, but my relationship to it changes.”
This reminds me of the CS Lewis quote about prayer,
“It doesn't change God. It changes me.”
“…not a stillness that erases the sensations, but one that holds them in an effortless, unconditional embrace.”
Releasing judgment and resistance is key. Be here now with whatever arises, love and accept this too. It’s not easy, but necessary, and how often I forget.
What an incredible reframe on prayer. I had never heard that quote but I LOVE it, how the very act of prayer never actually changes the outcome, just how we hold it. A daily practice for sure, I can't claim to be an expert on surrender but I do have my constant experience of dizziness to thank for the undying reminder. And with time, it becomes more natural, easier, like water finally undammed, flowing freely.
I love this! So well written, with feelings throughout, and really good information. I was diagnosed with vestibular migraines, so I get the whole frustration with the medical industry. Thanks so much for sharing this!❤️
I didn't know you have VM! We navigate this world in so many parallel ways. No doubt trauma patterns set the stage for some of the ways our brains are now wired. The writing you're doing to unravel and hold your past with such naked kindness is profound work and I honor the way you've opened this process up for others—a healing, revealing, brave journey that serves us all as we learn to integrate the many layers of ourselves into a greater sense of broken wholeness. xo
Glorious and beautifully written and resonates so completely with me right now. Just this past week, I ended my participation in my long COVID/MECFS recovery group AND I terminated with my therapist. I need a very big break from trying so hard. I need to experience life and nature and joy. Thank you for this piece, Kimberly 💛
Congratulations on embarking on a new chapter with ME/CFS Amy! I've heard from many people in the vestibular community who also eventually had to exit support groups, social media communities and other resources once essential that eventually became too much of their identity. I wholly embrace you expanding your horizons and finding your vitality in other ways. Those resources will always be there if you need, but we can never underestimate the power nature, turning our attention toward beauty, creativity and whatever else shines a light in our hearts.
Thank you so much! I’m such an information overconsumer, that I feel like I have plenty of tools and information and there’s a law of diminishing returns with me absorbing any additional info at this point. I need to soften my gaze at this point. Hopefully it’ll have an impact of some sort, but I’m tempering any expectations.
Well, I can only share from my experience but a softening around fixing and all the information and appointments that accompany that path was life changing, renewing, and ultimately healing, a different kind of healing than I’d been seeking but so much more joyful, creative and empowering. 💛
Terminating my sessions with a crap therapist was the most positive move I ever made...... Almost our entire group realized he need us more than we needed him..... Take care....
Crap therapists are the worst! And sometimes it takes time to truly realize they are not at all helping you. Mine was actually a pretty good one; I just found I didn’t really need her help anymore.
You're so welcome Laurène. Unfixing, unbecoming, undoing, all the "un's" often go against everything we've been taught about happiness and the good life, so I understand (on a cellular level!) how it takes time to process. It took me years. ;)
There's great power in the mindset of "however this (or I) need to be, it's OK with me." Fixing implies broken. Perhaps nothing is broken, not ourselves, not our world, not others. Perhaps it's all perfectly itself and the meaning is in allowing, embracing, and loving what is rather than longing for what isn't. Your strength and courage inspire me, as does the wisdom of your acceptance after such a long journey. I've longed believed the hardest paths have the most to teach, and I honor your generosity in sharing your experience so honestly and beautifully. You have reminded me of the grace of surrender and openness to the moment, whatever it brings. Thank you.
Thank you Jennifer. Isn't it peculiar how little effort it takes to surrender and open, and yet never a day goes by that I don't appreciate the reminder. ;) Fellow writer @veronikabond shared a quote by Parker J. Palmer in her last post that speaks volumes to this: "Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life."
Hi Kimberly. First thank you so much for sharing your story. I haven't commented yet but phenomenal writing. I believe I came to unfixed though a mention by David E. Perry (In the Garden of His Imagination). The name caught me as I had just decided I needed to stop pursuing answers and fixes and soften into accepting what is. I jumped into the middle of your writing and was a little afraid it may be triggering. I too have the same sensations (you sure described them well) including the vagal responses. I didn't even finish that post and started at the beginning. Even with all the trauma, your sharing was beautifully done; I felt like I was being held and understood. Water has been a huge part of my life as well and isn't it "funny" that we didn't mind the floating feeling when in the water but now those same sensations can be so fearful. So, I've come to realize it's not so much the sensations as the not knowing.
Thank you so much for your courage to share your story.
What an incredible reframe Tania...thank you for sharing. "It's not so much the sensations as the not knowing." Isn't it interesting that our bodies might actually be a lot more capable of holding tension, pain, uncertainty and discomfort than our minds? While the mind fights, the body surrenders and trusts in the natural way. You mentioned earlier in your response that you're beginning to "soften into accepting what is." I love that you used the word soften because this truly is how I've learned to approach my own undesired experiences. We can't be aggressive and soft at the same time, or unkind and soft. Softness implies gentleness and compassion, the way we might hold a baby bird, and I think so often these dis-integrated parts of ourselves are just as fragile and longing for the safe refuge of our heart.
So many fascinating insights in these notes! I'll come back to this many times. You'll probably find me quoting you one of these days... Thank you for sharing your heart-stirring journey from so many angles and on so many levels, in such beautiful storytelling 💕🙏
These two phrases struck me the most: "They haven’t turned their back to the possibility of answers or a cure, but they’ve learned to positively engage with life despite the lack of a fix. More often than not, they’ve reordered their lives prioritizing relationships, creativity and learning over status, achievement and position." Anyone who is thrown into a river of utter pain and confusion needs to read this, as I know it would help them eventually and become a comfort, solace, and peace. It may not seem that way at first, but it will. It is when I stopped resisting that I could be more comfortable in my discomfort (of course there is a learning curve and with flairs it's like resetting again). Thank you for sharing your experience with us so vulnerably and openly as well as the invaluable resources. I could never fully imagine what you go through, but I see you and empathize with you. When I wake up each morning, for a split second I don't feel pain, I feel freedom. But then all that pain rushes back into me, and for a little bit, I have to get comfortable in the discomfort. Groundhog day through that each day, but each day, I try to find some beauty and meaning.
Such truth and wisdom in what you share here Nadia. The "resetting" can be so grueling, and even scary at times. I've been experiencing so many low-level dizzy days these past few seasons that I almost forget how hard it can be. And then this morning it came back on full force. I had to watch my mind spiral into her catastrophic thinking, her desire for control, her worry, her desperation... and hold her with as much love and tenderness as I've learned to hold all the other parts. This chronic business is not for the faint of heart but boy does she know how to keep me honest with myself and keep this "finding beauty" out of the abstract and in the immediate and necessary truth of living with uncertainty. Thank you for being here. I wish those split-second pain-free moments for you stretch into larger and larger canvases for you to explore. x
I'm so sorry it has been so terrifying and torturous for you these days. I wish they pass soon and you'll be held by clouds of gentleness and softness yet strength. Coincidentally, I too had a weird night that was almost scary, but I told myself to keep calm, it will pass. Bodies are so weird! What is weirder even is how they react to external stimuli. Definitely not for the faint of heart. But we got this, sister! <3
Kimberly/K-dub- I only just read the first section in italics and it’s so achingly beautifully gorgeously true that I went straight here to the comments section to offer you this bouquet of inadequate adverbs. :)
Reading this stirred up lots of thoughts... So I let it percolate for a bit until I had time to do my reply justice 😅
It moved me deeply. I leaned into that Pema Chodron quote again, noticed my resistance to her beautiful truth. Perhaps one day I'll relax into life's coming ebbs and flows.
I love your lines: "...no life hacks to cure uncertainty..." (boy would that cure my anxiety!) and "where brokenness IS the fix..." Indeed...
I think it's what we do with our brokenness that makes it a fix or not. For me brokenness has unleashed creativity, and that has been healing and fulfilling... 🤍
I admire your courage in sharing your truth and in doing so, speaking up and honestly about our perceptions of health and wellness vs. the messy reality of being human. I have experienced the sharp end of the wellness industry and reclaiming myself and a more compassionate perspective was an arduous, but vital process. Sometimes things fall apart... 🙃
I really appreciated you sharing your practice of noticing resistance/leaning into your experience, it gave me a deeper sense of what it feels like for you, not just physically, but how you approach it in your mind. I feel it will be helpful for me... And the science behind MdDS is fascinating - I mean this in a 'wow-we-really-are-not-in-control-so-lets-just-enjoy-this-while-we-can' kind of way 😂 Did the eventual diagnosis feel both a grief and relief?
I have learned so much of value from stories by people living with chronic issues of all kinds, including you. They've helped me through my own periods of unfixedness 🙏❤️ cheers to resilience, and striving for actualization in a broken, messy way! Xx
"I think it's what we do with our brokenness that makes it a fix or not." Such a great insight Micah, and in your case it sounds like creativity and developing a more compassionate perspective were both essential in your own becoming.
I'm glad the snapshot of "how it lives in me" was helpful. I almost deleted that part, never wanting to ever come across as preachy. I think there are a million ways to "hold" our suffering and I was hesitant to paint too clear a picture of what that looked like for me. So thank you for sharing that it landed well!
Because the diagnosis took so long, I felt only relief. I had already had 5 years of feeling crazy so not only having a name for the tempest but then also a finding a community of humans (mostly women) who also share the same diagnosis, was like drinking from a well that had gone dry for wayyyyy too long. While there is no "cure" for MdDS, there are some very bright researchers who are learning more about the brain's maladaptation, underlying causes and possible management. Some patients have even gone into remission so that's always a sweet nugget of hope though I am so happy these days, even with the dizziness, that I'm quite ok if she stays with me forever.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reflect on this essay. I so appreciate your perspective and am delighted to hear that you're finding ways to be kind, creative and engaged with and through your own phases of unfixedness. ;) Much love to you Micah.
I love how you summed that up - developing creativity and compassion as essential to my own becoming. Yes, indeed, exactly, I have espoused them as tools for recovery but they are practices for becoming yes. Thank you for YOUR insight 😉❤️ I can relate to not wanting to sound preachy (I have been there and I have been humbled) and there are indeed many ways to engage with suffering. But there is certainly a way to speak from and about our experiences that allows for us to learn from each other so I'm glad you didn't delete that part either! 🙏 Yes naming our suffering and finding community is healing... Your descriptions of what it felt like to be in your body, coupled with so much uncertainty, had me feeling relief over a diagnosis for you, so I'm glad you found it too. I like how you call it 'she'... It sounds like you've found a healthy, humble, human balance of hope, curiosity and acceptance. Those are no small feats ✨ practice, practice, practice... much love back xx
This article beautifully explores that perfect health and conventional success are the only paths to happiness, emphasizing the resilience and adaptation of the human spirit. It's a reminder that wellness is not about constantly striving for perfection but about embracing the entirety of life's experiences, both good and bad. This is profoundly insightful, Kimberly!
I am heartened to feel a movement of like-minded individuals over here in resonance with this idea. For years I felt like I was crying into the soulless void of self-help, a binary paradigm with one goal—to negate "bad." All we need to do is look to nature and see the absurdity of that quest!
I don’t think I have sufficient words to tell you how you and your incredible story and the manner in which you have told it, with your heart and soul wide open, have affected me Kimberly though I suspect you know already.
No other mémoire has had the effect yours has, the tears, involuntary gasps, goosebumps and fear… all have been as though I was a part of it. The way you write is mesmerising, you are mesmerising!
For me, I am sad that I will read no more of your bobbing about… For you, I feel the calm you must float in now that you have a diagnosis, and a huge relief for you that you may still lead a normal (if such a thing exists) life.
I know that what comes next will hold me equally enthralled… thank you with love for this though, I will never forget THIS. 🥲 xxxx
Wonderful quote! Thanks for sharing it. Yes, we've been brainwashed into thinking we need to be "fixed" and the "fixes" are increasingly expensive, noisy, and difficult. The simplicity of less, of quiet, of opening and allowing is overlooked. Subtractive problem solving is far healthier in many cases than additive.
I’m so happy that you have been able to find this deep sense of calm, Kimberly. This has been a truly moving journey to read. You have shared so openly throughout and this felt fitting to close on the specifics of MdDS, and what it means to you and how you have come to work alongside it.
Oh Kimberly, it is truly remarkable all that you've been able to create whilst dealing with MdDS as well as all the other life changing world as you knew it ending information. I am in awe.
This part made me scream in joyous resonance and then I let out the deepest most cathartic sigh:
"The unfixed person has learned to see the world differently. Uncertainty has become a certainty. They’ve learned that pain and joy can exist simultaneously. They haven’t turned their back to the possibility of answers or a cure, but they’ve learned to positively engage with life despite the lack of a fix. More often than not, they’ve reordered their lives prioritizing relationships, creativity and learning over status, achievement and position." I want to cover the world in this message!!! You are a gift to us all. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
“The sensation doesn’t change, but my relationship to it changes.”
This reminds me of the CS Lewis quote about prayer,
“It doesn't change God. It changes me.”
“…not a stillness that erases the sensations, but one that holds them in an effortless, unconditional embrace.”
Releasing judgment and resistance is key. Be here now with whatever arises, love and accept this too. It’s not easy, but necessary, and how often I forget.
Thank you so much, Kimberly
What an incredible reframe on prayer. I had never heard that quote but I LOVE it, how the very act of prayer never actually changes the outcome, just how we hold it. A daily practice for sure, I can't claim to be an expert on surrender but I do have my constant experience of dizziness to thank for the undying reminder. And with time, it becomes more natural, easier, like water finally undammed, flowing freely.
I carry that key on my bunch too
I love this! So well written, with feelings throughout, and really good information. I was diagnosed with vestibular migraines, so I get the whole frustration with the medical industry. Thanks so much for sharing this!❤️
I didn't know you have VM! We navigate this world in so many parallel ways. No doubt trauma patterns set the stage for some of the ways our brains are now wired. The writing you're doing to unravel and hold your past with such naked kindness is profound work and I honor the way you've opened this process up for others—a healing, revealing, brave journey that serves us all as we learn to integrate the many layers of ourselves into a greater sense of broken wholeness. xo
For sure! You are so kind, and a real inspiration to me, thank you so much for your kindness and support, it means a heckuva lot.❤️
Glorious and beautifully written and resonates so completely with me right now. Just this past week, I ended my participation in my long COVID/MECFS recovery group AND I terminated with my therapist. I need a very big break from trying so hard. I need to experience life and nature and joy. Thank you for this piece, Kimberly 💛
Congratulations on embarking on a new chapter with ME/CFS Amy! I've heard from many people in the vestibular community who also eventually had to exit support groups, social media communities and other resources once essential that eventually became too much of their identity. I wholly embrace you expanding your horizons and finding your vitality in other ways. Those resources will always be there if you need, but we can never underestimate the power nature, turning our attention toward beauty, creativity and whatever else shines a light in our hearts.
Thank you so much! I’m such an information overconsumer, that I feel like I have plenty of tools and information and there’s a law of diminishing returns with me absorbing any additional info at this point. I need to soften my gaze at this point. Hopefully it’ll have an impact of some sort, but I’m tempering any expectations.
Well, I can only share from my experience but a softening around fixing and all the information and appointments that accompany that path was life changing, renewing, and ultimately healing, a different kind of healing than I’d been seeking but so much more joyful, creative and empowering. 💛
I’m so glad you shared that with me 🩶
Terminating my sessions with a crap therapist was the most positive move I ever made...... Almost our entire group realized he need us more than we needed him..... Take care....
Crap therapists are the worst! And sometimes it takes time to truly realize they are not at all helping you. Mine was actually a pretty good one; I just found I didn’t really need her help anymore.
Such a powerful piece! I’m still processing parts of it and how deeply it resonates with my experiences.
Thank you for writing this 🙏🏻❤️
You're so welcome Laurène. Unfixing, unbecoming, undoing, all the "un's" often go against everything we've been taught about happiness and the good life, so I understand (on a cellular level!) how it takes time to process. It took me years. ;)
There's great power in the mindset of "however this (or I) need to be, it's OK with me." Fixing implies broken. Perhaps nothing is broken, not ourselves, not our world, not others. Perhaps it's all perfectly itself and the meaning is in allowing, embracing, and loving what is rather than longing for what isn't. Your strength and courage inspire me, as does the wisdom of your acceptance after such a long journey. I've longed believed the hardest paths have the most to teach, and I honor your generosity in sharing your experience so honestly and beautifully. You have reminded me of the grace of surrender and openness to the moment, whatever it brings. Thank you.
Thank you Jennifer. Isn't it peculiar how little effort it takes to surrender and open, and yet never a day goes by that I don't appreciate the reminder. ;) Fellow writer @veronikabond shared a quote by Parker J. Palmer in her last post that speaks volumes to this: "Wholeness does not mean perfection: it means embracing brokenness as an integral part of life."
I eventually came to believe in "Patient, heal thyself" is a stronger mantra than "Big Pharma, sell me a pill"
I couldn't agree with you more!
Hi Kimberly. First thank you so much for sharing your story. I haven't commented yet but phenomenal writing. I believe I came to unfixed though a mention by David E. Perry (In the Garden of His Imagination). The name caught me as I had just decided I needed to stop pursuing answers and fixes and soften into accepting what is. I jumped into the middle of your writing and was a little afraid it may be triggering. I too have the same sensations (you sure described them well) including the vagal responses. I didn't even finish that post and started at the beginning. Even with all the trauma, your sharing was beautifully done; I felt like I was being held and understood. Water has been a huge part of my life as well and isn't it "funny" that we didn't mind the floating feeling when in the water but now those same sensations can be so fearful. So, I've come to realize it's not so much the sensations as the not knowing.
Thank you so much for your courage to share your story.
Peace & Blessings,
Tania
What an incredible reframe Tania...thank you for sharing. "It's not so much the sensations as the not knowing." Isn't it interesting that our bodies might actually be a lot more capable of holding tension, pain, uncertainty and discomfort than our minds? While the mind fights, the body surrenders and trusts in the natural way. You mentioned earlier in your response that you're beginning to "soften into accepting what is." I love that you used the word soften because this truly is how I've learned to approach my own undesired experiences. We can't be aggressive and soft at the same time, or unkind and soft. Softness implies gentleness and compassion, the way we might hold a baby bird, and I think so often these dis-integrated parts of ourselves are just as fragile and longing for the safe refuge of our heart.
We are water...
So many fascinating insights in these notes! I'll come back to this many times. You'll probably find me quoting you one of these days... Thank you for sharing your heart-stirring journey from so many angles and on so many levels, in such beautiful storytelling 💕🙏
Quid pro quo! (Actually I think I've already quoted you...) ;)
These two phrases struck me the most: "They haven’t turned their back to the possibility of answers or a cure, but they’ve learned to positively engage with life despite the lack of a fix. More often than not, they’ve reordered their lives prioritizing relationships, creativity and learning over status, achievement and position." Anyone who is thrown into a river of utter pain and confusion needs to read this, as I know it would help them eventually and become a comfort, solace, and peace. It may not seem that way at first, but it will. It is when I stopped resisting that I could be more comfortable in my discomfort (of course there is a learning curve and with flairs it's like resetting again). Thank you for sharing your experience with us so vulnerably and openly as well as the invaluable resources. I could never fully imagine what you go through, but I see you and empathize with you. When I wake up each morning, for a split second I don't feel pain, I feel freedom. But then all that pain rushes back into me, and for a little bit, I have to get comfortable in the discomfort. Groundhog day through that each day, but each day, I try to find some beauty and meaning.
Such truth and wisdom in what you share here Nadia. The "resetting" can be so grueling, and even scary at times. I've been experiencing so many low-level dizzy days these past few seasons that I almost forget how hard it can be. And then this morning it came back on full force. I had to watch my mind spiral into her catastrophic thinking, her desire for control, her worry, her desperation... and hold her with as much love and tenderness as I've learned to hold all the other parts. This chronic business is not for the faint of heart but boy does she know how to keep me honest with myself and keep this "finding beauty" out of the abstract and in the immediate and necessary truth of living with uncertainty. Thank you for being here. I wish those split-second pain-free moments for you stretch into larger and larger canvases for you to explore. x
I'm so sorry it has been so terrifying and torturous for you these days. I wish they pass soon and you'll be held by clouds of gentleness and softness yet strength. Coincidentally, I too had a weird night that was almost scary, but I told myself to keep calm, it will pass. Bodies are so weird! What is weirder even is how they react to external stimuli. Definitely not for the faint of heart. But we got this, sister! <3
Kimberly/K-dub- I only just read the first section in italics and it’s so achingly beautifully gorgeously true that I went straight here to the comments section to offer you this bouquet of inadequate adverbs. :)
A bouquet of delicious adverbs is always welcome!
Reading this stirred up lots of thoughts... So I let it percolate for a bit until I had time to do my reply justice 😅
It moved me deeply. I leaned into that Pema Chodron quote again, noticed my resistance to her beautiful truth. Perhaps one day I'll relax into life's coming ebbs and flows.
I love your lines: "...no life hacks to cure uncertainty..." (boy would that cure my anxiety!) and "where brokenness IS the fix..." Indeed...
I think it's what we do with our brokenness that makes it a fix or not. For me brokenness has unleashed creativity, and that has been healing and fulfilling... 🤍
I admire your courage in sharing your truth and in doing so, speaking up and honestly about our perceptions of health and wellness vs. the messy reality of being human. I have experienced the sharp end of the wellness industry and reclaiming myself and a more compassionate perspective was an arduous, but vital process. Sometimes things fall apart... 🙃
I really appreciated you sharing your practice of noticing resistance/leaning into your experience, it gave me a deeper sense of what it feels like for you, not just physically, but how you approach it in your mind. I feel it will be helpful for me... And the science behind MdDS is fascinating - I mean this in a 'wow-we-really-are-not-in-control-so-lets-just-enjoy-this-while-we-can' kind of way 😂 Did the eventual diagnosis feel both a grief and relief?
I have learned so much of value from stories by people living with chronic issues of all kinds, including you. They've helped me through my own periods of unfixedness 🙏❤️ cheers to resilience, and striving for actualization in a broken, messy way! Xx
"I think it's what we do with our brokenness that makes it a fix or not." Such a great insight Micah, and in your case it sounds like creativity and developing a more compassionate perspective were both essential in your own becoming.
I'm glad the snapshot of "how it lives in me" was helpful. I almost deleted that part, never wanting to ever come across as preachy. I think there are a million ways to "hold" our suffering and I was hesitant to paint too clear a picture of what that looked like for me. So thank you for sharing that it landed well!
Because the diagnosis took so long, I felt only relief. I had already had 5 years of feeling crazy so not only having a name for the tempest but then also a finding a community of humans (mostly women) who also share the same diagnosis, was like drinking from a well that had gone dry for wayyyyy too long. While there is no "cure" for MdDS, there are some very bright researchers who are learning more about the brain's maladaptation, underlying causes and possible management. Some patients have even gone into remission so that's always a sweet nugget of hope though I am so happy these days, even with the dizziness, that I'm quite ok if she stays with me forever.
Thank you so much for taking the time to reflect on this essay. I so appreciate your perspective and am delighted to hear that you're finding ways to be kind, creative and engaged with and through your own phases of unfixedness. ;) Much love to you Micah.
I love how you summed that up - developing creativity and compassion as essential to my own becoming. Yes, indeed, exactly, I have espoused them as tools for recovery but they are practices for becoming yes. Thank you for YOUR insight 😉❤️ I can relate to not wanting to sound preachy (I have been there and I have been humbled) and there are indeed many ways to engage with suffering. But there is certainly a way to speak from and about our experiences that allows for us to learn from each other so I'm glad you didn't delete that part either! 🙏 Yes naming our suffering and finding community is healing... Your descriptions of what it felt like to be in your body, coupled with so much uncertainty, had me feeling relief over a diagnosis for you, so I'm glad you found it too. I like how you call it 'she'... It sounds like you've found a healthy, humble, human balance of hope, curiosity and acceptance. Those are no small feats ✨ practice, practice, practice... much love back xx
This article beautifully explores that perfect health and conventional success are the only paths to happiness, emphasizing the resilience and adaptation of the human spirit. It's a reminder that wellness is not about constantly striving for perfection but about embracing the entirety of life's experiences, both good and bad. This is profoundly insightful, Kimberly!
I am heartened to feel a movement of like-minded individuals over here in resonance with this idea. For years I felt like I was crying into the soulless void of self-help, a binary paradigm with one goal—to negate "bad." All we need to do is look to nature and see the absurdity of that quest!
"So instead, I welcome the angels, the demons, the lilacs and the hot dumpsters full of shrimp."
I once cared for a patient with trigeminal neuralgia that developed symptoms similar to yours. Hot dumpsters of shrimp... what a great description!
Haha, not a description I'd like to get too near to my olfactory nerves!
I don’t think I have sufficient words to tell you how you and your incredible story and the manner in which you have told it, with your heart and soul wide open, have affected me Kimberly though I suspect you know already.
No other mémoire has had the effect yours has, the tears, involuntary gasps, goosebumps and fear… all have been as though I was a part of it. The way you write is mesmerising, you are mesmerising!
For me, I am sad that I will read no more of your bobbing about… For you, I feel the calm you must float in now that you have a diagnosis, and a huge relief for you that you may still lead a normal (if such a thing exists) life.
I know that what comes next will hold me equally enthralled… thank you with love for this though, I will never forget THIS. 🥲 xxxx
Wonderful quote! Thanks for sharing it. Yes, we've been brainwashed into thinking we need to be "fixed" and the "fixes" are increasingly expensive, noisy, and difficult. The simplicity of less, of quiet, of opening and allowing is overlooked. Subtractive problem solving is far healthier in many cases than additive.
I’m so happy that you have been able to find this deep sense of calm, Kimberly. This has been a truly moving journey to read. You have shared so openly throughout and this felt fitting to close on the specifics of MdDS, and what it means to you and how you have come to work alongside it.
🙏
Oh Kimberly, it is truly remarkable all that you've been able to create whilst dealing with MdDS as well as all the other life changing world as you knew it ending information. I am in awe.
This part made me scream in joyous resonance and then I let out the deepest most cathartic sigh:
"The unfixed person has learned to see the world differently. Uncertainty has become a certainty. They’ve learned that pain and joy can exist simultaneously. They haven’t turned their back to the possibility of answers or a cure, but they’ve learned to positively engage with life despite the lack of a fix. More often than not, they’ve reordered their lives prioritizing relationships, creativity and learning over status, achievement and position." I want to cover the world in this message!!! You are a gift to us all. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.