"Yes, isolation has become their most intimate companion. And yet their lives embody a soft, fluid, sapience our culture rarely recognizes, and has never needed more." I think of the last days of my mom and there was this sapient quality to her journey's end and an invitation or bid for isolation. My mom nods are still arriving and I am learning the difference between grasping for her nods and asking for her presence and being there for her surprise visits! I can't wait to see Unbound. So much inspiration and withnessing awaits! Deep deep love and friendship to you Kim.
Thank you Shannon, so glad to hear your "mom nods" are arriving, and the ways you're learning to receive them. I'll be honest, feels very much like a void right now, but I'm trusting that void more than I ever did when Dad died. I think there's something there, I just need to stay with it, stay with the awkward ache, let it teach me something that no rainbow ever could. Thank you for your ever-present loving through this time. May your momma and mine both be discovering their new moves, their everlasting emptiness dancing.
Kim, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, whom I know a little through your book. I’m glad she saw saw your story fly into the world. As one motherless daughter to another, I know this changes everything.
It truly does. Something bedrock is shifting. I, too, am so glad my book came out when it did, and that I dedicated it to her, "To mom, my ever-rising sun." I love knowing that others will learn about her grace, her unconditional loving, for long into the future. Books are beautiful that way, while we become unbound, those bound pages keep us here.
I think the "UN"word that needs to be foremost in our minds thoughts emotions is...
"Unbothered". My wise & caring PCD is foremost a very perceptive individual, & during a recent discussion
that touched on my angst et al (I'm 87) she just said... "Sometimes you just have to let go... Focus on being unbothered" ... and so... that's my mantra.
Kimberly, I read your article “what” in my e-mail but I was unable to find it in the app. Perhaps it’s for paid subscribers only? Whatever. I wanted you to know three things: first, that it doesn’t appear in the app, and if that’s some kind of glitch then you should know so you can correct it. Second, it makes me want to hit the like button fifty times. Third, I want you to know that when I read your posts they make me feel like I’ve been looking at the world through the wrong end of the telescope for sixty-nine years. This doesn’t make me feel any less or hurt my feelings. It just means that at my age there is so much more to learn and it makes me want to read more, love more, give more. Thank you for looking at the universe through the proper end of the telescope and reporting what you see to readers like me. ❤️!
Oh my. This might be the most wondrous comment I've ever read. (And no, there wasn't a glitch in the app... yesterday was an accidental send after going through some of my mom-related essays and editing here and there in a separate doc. As soon as I realized I'd posted, I deleted it and pointed people toward the proper one in Notes.) My brain is all kinds of scrambled these days so I wouldn't be surprised to receive a few more of those 'oops' in the coming months.
You write, "when I read your posts they make me feel like I’ve been looking at the world through the wrong end of the telescope for sixty-nine years." I mean. This just makes me so darn happy. I do feel like I'm often living in the upside down, seeing the world in a way that quietly refutes what is shouted at us from all directions. It works for me but sometimes it feels lonely. But then all I have to do is read Substack and I realize there are so many of us, choosing to walk away from the illusions and boxes and dualistic thinking that have gotten us into so much trouble. It's a soft, hidden revolution, but no less powerful. xo
Thanks Kimberly for your amazing testimony about the movie and all the people involved in the movie. I tried to get tickets but they were sold out. When is the movie going to be available for any of us Who would like to see it again or see it for the first time, blessings on your path and big love during this challenging time❤️
Thank you dear Diana. I love you. And I'm sorry I'm being such a recluse right now, I know so many people would like to connect with me right now but my entire being needs wordless solitude. I hope you understand and still feel my love.
Yes, the film is available and it would be so sweet to have your eyes and heart on it. I also think you'd really like the Q&A so I'm going to share that link with you via text because it's unlisted and only available upon request. Love you.
Dearest Kimberly, I couldn't reply. I couldn't find the words without the page blurring for my own loss, now 30 years ago but prone still to the rawness of the day itself. I felt selfish at a time when I should have been feeling selfless. I am profoundly sad and sorry, for my recollections and, now that they are quietly replaced in the drawer I never willingly open, for you and your loss which cannot be anything other than deeply sad.
I cannot say if knowing is easier than the shock of ignorance, I cannot say if having the time to spend with a loved one before they leave this mortal coil is a gift I would have taken in both hands. I never will. What I do know is that grief whether sudden or anticipated is as all encompassing as life, that is to say, there are days of hurting, there are days of joy, each are beautiful in there own way but we never know which we wake to.
I believe your wise and tender heart has a far deeper understanding than mine ever will but if the dance is not over I will gladly hold your hand.
I send you both love and courage for the days, months and years to come my beautiful friend. I am so sorry X
Susie, your inability to write wasn't an act of selfishness at all, it was actually a joining, a meeting of me in this wordless space. Knowing others live in that rawness still, that understand the reluctance to make it anything else, the bravery to call it by its truest name: sadness. I am deeply grateful for your willingness to stand in that not knowing with me and let it be its own kind of awkward dancing. One of the phrases I kept whispering over and over again to my mom while her body was in the messy letting go, "Awkward grace momma, awkward grace." So much truer, more human, than amazing grace. But now, after three weeks of emptiness, and so many wailing, groaning moments of awkward grace, I'm finding some kind of primal push in me for more, to incarnate and see what's on the other side of all that mess, to have the courage to pray for amazing grace too. May it be both, may you feel held in between that prayer.
Congratulations on the release and premiere of Unbound today, Kim.
My deepest condolences for the other kind of release, which I did not know about until now. I am sure your heart is hurting—and brimming—simultaneously.
Thank you love. You said it. Hurting and brimming…on repeat. To know someone is going to die through MAID, to have the date on the calendar, is an entirely bizarre experience, something my family and I are still trying to recover from, catch up to. Before they die, you’re sitting there having dinner with them thinking, “in two days they’ll be dead.” After they die, you’re on the other side of the looking glass… they’re dead, but it feels like they should be alive because life doesn’t stop, normal routines resume, and I keep forgetting that she’s gone. My heart is in a broken conundrum about it all.
I can’t even imagine and yet, you describe it so beautifully. A conundrum indeed. Grief is messy and yours is amplified by these extreme, heartbreaking circumstances. I am at a loss for words for what you’ve been through, but I do feel for you deeply. ♥️
Kimberly…. You’ve put together a powerful connection to what is felt when losing our Mother. The sudden awareness of becoming an orphan takes an uncountable number of days, and there’s no need to rush it. Maybe instead of reaching to compile and express for now, as you allow your raging sea of feelings to break over you, you just jot a few fragments of it down. A line each evening.. or a word every morning.
Your depth of awareness carries you thru the tsunami. And it will continue to.
All the unspoken words between mothers and daughters, all the failures and successes, the dissonance and the closeness… it will rise and fall.
I walk beside you during these times, remembering the intensity.
I very much admire your choice to allow it to be, to not attempt at bailing out the boat during the tumult, trustful that as the sea calms over months and years, you’ll find your place once again.
These two lines struck me as some of the most powerful you’ve ever written:
“Bodies living with chronic illness have long since fallen off the pendulum of ordinary time. We find ourselves instead in the liminal space beyond productivity, expectation, efficiency, and the relentless rhythm of before and after.”
“Yes, movement is a risk for many of these dancers. Yes, isolation has become their most intimate companion.”
I bow to your beauty of expression during these days. 💗
Beautiful soul, I’ve read and reread this comment for days now. Memorizing “Your depth of awareness carries you thru the tsunami. And it will continue to.” This reassurance is something I really need, navigating these deep waters without anything to bail me out, without wanting to be bailed out. You are wise to meet me there with your words and heart, knowing that even when we’re drowning, it’s not the time to teach someone how to swim but instead trust that feeling the flail is its own kind of surviving. ❤️
Amazing, Kimberly. All of it. Your willingness to lean into the uncertainty at such a tender time. Your willingness to help bring this film to life. And your unwavering commitment to say “yes” to life in all its complexities, and how, by doing so, you lift so many of us up!
I can’t wait to watch Unbound. Where is the best place to watch it for those of us on the other side of the world who will be asleep when the premiere takes place?
It feels a bit nuts, something might be wrong with my brain. While most people grasp for certainty when their heart is breaking, something in me is fiercely rejecting it. I think I just need truth. No illusions, no pacifiers, just something I can wholly believe is true and unconditioned.
Awesome that you want to see the film. Here you go love. And if you and E want to watch the Q&A afterwards (which was so moving, maybe even more than the film…I think you’ll really relate) DM me for the link bc it’s unlisted and shared only upon request. https://youtu.be/mxK6UKtWuLc?si=0H2UHjNJxOX3wzF_
Gosh, what a beautiful sentiment. You know, I think I ultimately wrote them to comfort myself. It’s a beautiful thing to feel how our words can reach beyond the personal to the universal. ❤️
Dear Kimberly, again I am lost to answer such beautiful eloquence, except to pour all the unspoken feeling from my own heart across the ocean in response. I am savouring every moment with my mum, knowing they will pass too quickly and I will join you and all the motherless daughters. I hope to face it with the grace that you do xx
I love that my experience is inspiring a deepened sharing with your mum. That’s beautiful and I know it would make my mom happy. I’m feeling so wordless these days, with a strong need to use my hands more than ever. I could pick up needle felting again but I feel drawn to wood, its solidity, its strength. Would you ever consider offering a 101 class on some of the wood design work you’ve been doing? I would pay you to learn. ❤️
I am finding working with wood addictive in the best way, I would be delighted to show you what I’ve learned, although I don’t know exactly how. I’ve just made it up as I’ve gone along! I long to do more in the future, perhaps carving or whittling and I need to buy a new pyrography tool, as mine is on its last legs. My dad took up woodworking after he became too unwell to work and made the most beautiful trinkets and furniture. I would love to have a workshop where I could do more.
Heart hugs, Kimberly. For those of us fortunate enough to have mothers who knew how to love us, the loss is unfathomable. May the release of Unbound bring you toward the conduit you long for, and may we all keep dancing.
Beautiful offering Elizabeth, may we all keep dancing. I like how you say, “mothers who knew how to love us.” I feel incredibly fortunate to be one of them, and yes, the loss then becomes nearly unbearable. Sounds like you might know something about this too. ❤️
I’m so sorry about your mom’s passing. I missed this heartbreaking news.
Congrats on Unbound. If it’s anything like your videos you’ve shared it will be an important gift to the public. G-d bless. May your mom’s memory be a blessing. 🙏🏻💐
"Yes, isolation has become their most intimate companion. And yet their lives embody a soft, fluid, sapience our culture rarely recognizes, and has never needed more." I think of the last days of my mom and there was this sapient quality to her journey's end and an invitation or bid for isolation. My mom nods are still arriving and I am learning the difference between grasping for her nods and asking for her presence and being there for her surprise visits! I can't wait to see Unbound. So much inspiration and withnessing awaits! Deep deep love and friendship to you Kim.
Thank you Shannon, so glad to hear your "mom nods" are arriving, and the ways you're learning to receive them. I'll be honest, feels very much like a void right now, but I'm trusting that void more than I ever did when Dad died. I think there's something there, I just need to stay with it, stay with the awkward ache, let it teach me something that no rainbow ever could. Thank you for your ever-present loving through this time. May your momma and mine both be discovering their new moves, their everlasting emptiness dancing.
Kim, I am so sorry for the loss of your mom, whom I know a little through your book. I’m glad she saw saw your story fly into the world. As one motherless daughter to another, I know this changes everything.
It truly does. Something bedrock is shifting. I, too, am so glad my book came out when it did, and that I dedicated it to her, "To mom, my ever-rising sun." I love knowing that others will learn about her grace, her unconditional loving, for long into the future. Books are beautiful that way, while we become unbound, those bound pages keep us here.
I think the "UN"word that needs to be foremost in our minds thoughts emotions is...
"Unbothered". My wise & caring PCD is foremost a very perceptive individual, & during a recent discussion
that touched on my angst et al (I'm 87) she just said... "Sometimes you just have to let go... Focus on being unbothered" ... and so... that's my mantra.
So many wonderful "un's" to consider. Thank you for adding "unbothered" into the collection.
Kimberly, I read your article “what” in my e-mail but I was unable to find it in the app. Perhaps it’s for paid subscribers only? Whatever. I wanted you to know three things: first, that it doesn’t appear in the app, and if that’s some kind of glitch then you should know so you can correct it. Second, it makes me want to hit the like button fifty times. Third, I want you to know that when I read your posts they make me feel like I’ve been looking at the world through the wrong end of the telescope for sixty-nine years. This doesn’t make me feel any less or hurt my feelings. It just means that at my age there is so much more to learn and it makes me want to read more, love more, give more. Thank you for looking at the universe through the proper end of the telescope and reporting what you see to readers like me. ❤️!
Oh my. This might be the most wondrous comment I've ever read. (And no, there wasn't a glitch in the app... yesterday was an accidental send after going through some of my mom-related essays and editing here and there in a separate doc. As soon as I realized I'd posted, I deleted it and pointed people toward the proper one in Notes.) My brain is all kinds of scrambled these days so I wouldn't be surprised to receive a few more of those 'oops' in the coming months.
You write, "when I read your posts they make me feel like I’ve been looking at the world through the wrong end of the telescope for sixty-nine years." I mean. This just makes me so darn happy. I do feel like I'm often living in the upside down, seeing the world in a way that quietly refutes what is shouted at us from all directions. It works for me but sometimes it feels lonely. But then all I have to do is read Substack and I realize there are so many of us, choosing to walk away from the illusions and boxes and dualistic thinking that have gotten us into so much trouble. It's a soft, hidden revolution, but no less powerful. xo
Sending so much love, Kim.
Thanks Kimberly for your amazing testimony about the movie and all the people involved in the movie. I tried to get tickets but they were sold out. When is the movie going to be available for any of us Who would like to see it again or see it for the first time, blessings on your path and big love during this challenging time❤️
Thank you dear Diana. I love you. And I'm sorry I'm being such a recluse right now, I know so many people would like to connect with me right now but my entire being needs wordless solitude. I hope you understand and still feel my love.
Yes, the film is available and it would be so sweet to have your eyes and heart on it. I also think you'd really like the Q&A so I'm going to share that link with you via text because it's unlisted and only available upon request. Love you.
Watch Unbound (free to view and share):
https://youtu.be/mxK6UKtWuLc?si=0H2UHjNJxOX3wzF_
Dearest Kimberly, I couldn't reply. I couldn't find the words without the page blurring for my own loss, now 30 years ago but prone still to the rawness of the day itself. I felt selfish at a time when I should have been feeling selfless. I am profoundly sad and sorry, for my recollections and, now that they are quietly replaced in the drawer I never willingly open, for you and your loss which cannot be anything other than deeply sad.
I cannot say if knowing is easier than the shock of ignorance, I cannot say if having the time to spend with a loved one before they leave this mortal coil is a gift I would have taken in both hands. I never will. What I do know is that grief whether sudden or anticipated is as all encompassing as life, that is to say, there are days of hurting, there are days of joy, each are beautiful in there own way but we never know which we wake to.
I believe your wise and tender heart has a far deeper understanding than mine ever will but if the dance is not over I will gladly hold your hand.
I send you both love and courage for the days, months and years to come my beautiful friend. I am so sorry X
Susie, your inability to write wasn't an act of selfishness at all, it was actually a joining, a meeting of me in this wordless space. Knowing others live in that rawness still, that understand the reluctance to make it anything else, the bravery to call it by its truest name: sadness. I am deeply grateful for your willingness to stand in that not knowing with me and let it be its own kind of awkward dancing. One of the phrases I kept whispering over and over again to my mom while her body was in the messy letting go, "Awkward grace momma, awkward grace." So much truer, more human, than amazing grace. But now, after three weeks of emptiness, and so many wailing, groaning moments of awkward grace, I'm finding some kind of primal push in me for more, to incarnate and see what's on the other side of all that mess, to have the courage to pray for amazing grace too. May it be both, may you feel held in between that prayer.
Congratulations on the release and premiere of Unbound today, Kim.
My deepest condolences for the other kind of release, which I did not know about until now. I am sure your heart is hurting—and brimming—simultaneously.
Sending you all my love and support. ♥️
Thank you love. You said it. Hurting and brimming…on repeat. To know someone is going to die through MAID, to have the date on the calendar, is an entirely bizarre experience, something my family and I are still trying to recover from, catch up to. Before they die, you’re sitting there having dinner with them thinking, “in two days they’ll be dead.” After they die, you’re on the other side of the looking glass… they’re dead, but it feels like they should be alive because life doesn’t stop, normal routines resume, and I keep forgetting that she’s gone. My heart is in a broken conundrum about it all.
I can’t even imagine and yet, you describe it so beautifully. A conundrum indeed. Grief is messy and yours is amplified by these extreme, heartbreaking circumstances. I am at a loss for words for what you’ve been through, but I do feel for you deeply. ♥️
Kimberly…. You’ve put together a powerful connection to what is felt when losing our Mother. The sudden awareness of becoming an orphan takes an uncountable number of days, and there’s no need to rush it. Maybe instead of reaching to compile and express for now, as you allow your raging sea of feelings to break over you, you just jot a few fragments of it down. A line each evening.. or a word every morning.
Your depth of awareness carries you thru the tsunami. And it will continue to.
All the unspoken words between mothers and daughters, all the failures and successes, the dissonance and the closeness… it will rise and fall.
I walk beside you during these times, remembering the intensity.
I very much admire your choice to allow it to be, to not attempt at bailing out the boat during the tumult, trustful that as the sea calms over months and years, you’ll find your place once again.
These two lines struck me as some of the most powerful you’ve ever written:
“Bodies living with chronic illness have long since fallen off the pendulum of ordinary time. We find ourselves instead in the liminal space beyond productivity, expectation, efficiency, and the relentless rhythm of before and after.”
“Yes, movement is a risk for many of these dancers. Yes, isolation has become their most intimate companion.”
I bow to your beauty of expression during these days. 💗
Beautiful soul, I’ve read and reread this comment for days now. Memorizing “Your depth of awareness carries you thru the tsunami. And it will continue to.” This reassurance is something I really need, navigating these deep waters without anything to bail me out, without wanting to be bailed out. You are wise to meet me there with your words and heart, knowing that even when we’re drowning, it’s not the time to teach someone how to swim but instead trust that feeling the flail is its own kind of surviving. ❤️
Yes, this exactly.
And those of us who have already been swept into the sea will be there to catch you when your hand reaches out.
No worry. You will not drown. ♥️
Amazing, Kimberly. All of it. Your willingness to lean into the uncertainty at such a tender time. Your willingness to help bring this film to life. And your unwavering commitment to say “yes” to life in all its complexities, and how, by doing so, you lift so many of us up!
I can’t wait to watch Unbound. Where is the best place to watch it for those of us on the other side of the world who will be asleep when the premiere takes place?
:)
It feels a bit nuts, something might be wrong with my brain. While most people grasp for certainty when their heart is breaking, something in me is fiercely rejecting it. I think I just need truth. No illusions, no pacifiers, just something I can wholly believe is true and unconditioned.
Awesome that you want to see the film. Here you go love. And if you and E want to watch the Q&A afterwards (which was so moving, maybe even more than the film…I think you’ll really relate) DM me for the link bc it’s unlisted and shared only upon request. https://youtu.be/mxK6UKtWuLc?si=0H2UHjNJxOX3wzF_
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a brain that’s searching for what is true and unconditioned :)
And thank you for the link. I just watched it. It’s beautiful. “Illness is not the end of dance.” — how powerful!
I will DM you for the Q&A link now! :)
I'm very sorry for your loss, Kimberly. I hope your beautiful words and thoughts are as much a comfort to you as they are to others.
Gosh, what a beautiful sentiment. You know, I think I ultimately wrote them to comfort myself. It’s a beautiful thing to feel how our words can reach beyond the personal to the universal. ❤️
I’m so very sorry Kimberly 💔🙏🏻
This review is excellent!
Dear Kimberly, again I am lost to answer such beautiful eloquence, except to pour all the unspoken feeling from my own heart across the ocean in response. I am savouring every moment with my mum, knowing they will pass too quickly and I will join you and all the motherless daughters. I hope to face it with the grace that you do xx
I love that my experience is inspiring a deepened sharing with your mum. That’s beautiful and I know it would make my mom happy. I’m feeling so wordless these days, with a strong need to use my hands more than ever. I could pick up needle felting again but I feel drawn to wood, its solidity, its strength. Would you ever consider offering a 101 class on some of the wood design work you’ve been doing? I would pay you to learn. ❤️
I am finding working with wood addictive in the best way, I would be delighted to show you what I’ve learned, although I don’t know exactly how. I’ve just made it up as I’ve gone along! I long to do more in the future, perhaps carving or whittling and I need to buy a new pyrography tool, as mine is on its last legs. My dad took up woodworking after he became too unwell to work and made the most beautiful trinkets and furniture. I would love to have a workshop where I could do more.
Heart hugs, Kimberly. For those of us fortunate enough to have mothers who knew how to love us, the loss is unfathomable. May the release of Unbound bring you toward the conduit you long for, and may we all keep dancing.
Beautiful offering Elizabeth, may we all keep dancing. I like how you say, “mothers who knew how to love us.” I feel incredibly fortunate to be one of them, and yes, the loss then becomes nearly unbearable. Sounds like you might know something about this too. ❤️
I’m so sorry about your mom’s passing. I missed this heartbreaking news.
Congrats on Unbound. If it’s anything like your videos you’ve shared it will be an important gift to the public. G-d bless. May your mom’s memory be a blessing. 🙏🏻💐
Thank you Carissa. Her life was a blessing to so many. ❤️