We are eternally intertwined. Your kind words of understanding humble me and deepen my commitment to truthtelling. Your presence in my life invites me to feel into the stunning bravery and awesome creativity birthed by your quest for Truth! Loving you and all the ways we activate and support one anotherโs Soul growth.๐
Beautiful mama. I appreciate you donโt paint your mom as the saint or the sinner. Just a woman with nuance and doing the best she can. Like all of us.
I'm so glad it reads that way because it is very much my intention. There would be nothing "unfixed" about painting humans into stifling corners of perfection. ;)
โโฆsomeone who was protected from the truth, not protected with the truth. Someone who didnโt get to decide her own story because it was edited and tidied up before she was even born.โ
How many times did the wheel spin, only to land right back on this particular narrative. Right to the heart of it.
Ode to mom . Just beautiful. Words that will last a lifetime.
You are very welcome, and I do. I came into this journey a bit late, so the past and present have been a bit blurred for me. One thing is for sure, I am so glad to know that you are now, more often on โsolid groundโ than not.
I recently left you a comment , as I just read Post 4/3 ..โฆ( it makes my heart burn just to write out the words, so I will not ). You may want to give it a quick read.
I was going to put this in Substackโs new DM , but truthfully I think itโs a horrid idea. Authors are busy enough writing new posts and replying to comments. And , having a life . Seems like a path to unwanted personal communications. I think it would be better utilized in conversations between authors, instead of notes.
Which we all can see, and sometimes thatโs not a good thing.
Oh, speaking of notes, I saw the picture of Dylan in the private showing.
One big beautiful heart held together by a room full of love and kindness. It is a photograph I shall never forget.
You two are both such inspirations. Your surrender, your Moms enduring grace, how willing and how honest you both are, and how you both had to learn to dance with and around many an unexpected visitor and plot twist. I donโt think it would be possible for me to feel any more warmly towards you both than I already do ๐
I read this earlier, Kimberly, but hadn't had time to comment. The love between you and your mother through this difficult time holds "the unfixed" --and not so by the way: What a fab title for this gorgeous memoir that must be read from the beginning.
And because of this chapter, I think you might like what I posted today on a site where I also write and where I would like to be my guest in the fall! Here's today's post: https://innerlifecollaborative.substack.com/p/memories and write me privately for scheduling you for the fall 2024, probably October--I know that's way ahead, but you'd be so great as my guest.
I donโt think I fully appreciated the depth of the waves your illness has made you navigate until this chapter. I love that your mother could hold you while you work through all of the hurt and anger and I love that sheโs here commenting, and cheering you on. This memoir is such a gift to both of you and to us.
Thank you for your honest sharing Ben. You're not alone in misunderstanding just how debilitating vestibular disorders can be. After finally getting a proper diagnosis 5 years later, I found an entire global community living with the exact same experiences I was having, including the isolation, panic, lack of understanding from family, delayed diagnoses... it's not uncommon for some vestibular patients to go through 20 practitioners before getting a proper diagnosis. With proper medication and teaching my brain to adapt to the constant motion, I was finally able to get back some semblance of my life and directed a series specifically for dizzy patients. I'm including the link to the first episode - - they're short (each about 12 minutes) but are going a long way to try to help close that gap of misunderstanding for patients, their loved ones and their care providers.
Such an arduous journey. Iโm so glad youโve found ways to manage it and return to some sense of your life before. Thatโs huge. What an inspiring service you do for this community in both supporting and raising awareness.
Gosh, this might be one of the most intensely emotional episodes yet, Kim - what a moment of understanding, love and honesty! I keep coming back to the horror of your dizziness - a few bouts last year, and more recently, and I was completely helpless and terrified. Much love to you...
Ah Kimberly! How painful this journey has been, how disrupted and groundless your reality became, all those surfaces that are supposed to remain calm and still, rearing up in your face. I donโt know how you made it through. I love the photo of you and your mum. The look on your face is priceless and what a beauty your mum is. Brilliant writing all the way. I donโt want it to end!
Thank you Jan! It's so much easier in hindsight to say it was all worth it, though I doubt the "me" all tangled up inside each moment would've agreed. I've so appreciated your supportive, empathic voice along the way...I had no idea that sharing my story would become such a deeply connecting, community-building experience. A few more chapters to post and then I'll be on to my next creative adventure! (With no clue yet what that will be!)
So beautiful and I relate to this so much!! Trying to have a normal outing for once...the rage that comes out of nowhere, especially for the person who helps you most...just wanting release...wonderfully written.
Touching, Kimberly. Your mumโs unconditional love. Your reverence of her emotional strength. Your writing being so vulnerable and honest. This is wonderful.
I loved this line:
โRage eviscerates rationality.โ Three words saying so much!
Thank you Michael! We're nearing the finish line... I can't believe I've been sharing chapters weekly for almost a year now. About three more to go. Thanks for hanging in there for the long haul!
One again Iโm filled with admiration for your Mom. Providing a non-judging, safe space to โholdโ a (son or) daughterโs rage, sorrow and confusion takes incredible strength, great maturity and an abundance of love. I agree itโs impossible to get parenting โright.โ After all, we parents are in a life-long process of learning too. And your Momโs abilities to learn/change with you, while still accepting full responsibility for an action she has come to regret shows an admirable dedication to hold the tension of emotional oppositesโwith your best interest remaining centermost in her heart. Thank you for sharing her with us so tenderly.๐
Someday the three of us will have to sit across from one another and share tea. Thank you, always, for your most skillful and thoughtful reflections Shaler.
Haha, well you wouldn't find her in Wisconsin. She abandoned that ship years ago and now lives in Boulder, CO near her grandchildren and my brother. ;) I visit there often so if you ever have plans to head that direction, let me know and I'll make the trip!
Your mama IS radiant! What a stunner. Her inner glow is gorgeous.
Iโm so happy you got to return to the safety under her wings and just be, whatever that meant in the moment. Helpless, furious, lovingโฆmothers are so damn good at that. Watching your unraveling, your rage, even when itโs directed straight at them, and still they continue to gather you up in their fold. I picture you as a fuzzy baby swan stomping her flippers whilst your mother looks upon you with grace and unconditional love. This might be my favorite chapter yet. I wish it was longer ๐๐ฅน Youโve beautifully captured the relationship between mother, daughter and despite their best efforts at loving us, the mistakes that are inevitably made on the path of parenting. The resolution at the end was full of ache and divinity. Once again, I am in tears at the end of the chapter and I am so grateful.
I thought about you a lot while editing this chapter Jenovia. While your relationship with your mom was fleeting in the human-realm, I celebrate its everlasting love in other dimensions.) You have kept her alive through your loving; even here in your comments, I feel her. I am not a mother, but I imagine this might be the greatest joy or hope for a mother, to know her love, in all its many colors, is lasting.
what a compelling at times harrowing story and you write it with the nuance respect and patience of love the literary aspect is something gifted from another source perhaps but you don't let a drop of that talent escape
We are eternally intertwined. Your kind words of understanding humble me and deepen my commitment to truthtelling. Your presence in my life invites me to feel into the stunning bravery and awesome creativity birthed by your quest for Truth! Loving you and all the ways we activate and support one anotherโs Soul growth.๐
... birth THROUGH your quest for truth, my dearest soul-traveller. xo
๐๐๐ผ
It's inspiring to read Kimberley's and your words. Such honesty and beauty.
There are so many people who don't have even a fraction of this kind of sharing, honest openness.
Beautiful mama. I appreciate you donโt paint your mom as the saint or the sinner. Just a woman with nuance and doing the best she can. Like all of us.
I'm so glad it reads that way because it is very much my intention. There would be nothing "unfixed" about painting humans into stifling corners of perfection. ;)
โโฆsomeone who was protected from the truth, not protected with the truth. Someone who didnโt get to decide her own story because it was edited and tidied up before she was even born.โ
How many times did the wheel spin, only to land right back on this particular narrative. Right to the heart of it.
Ode to mom . Just beautiful. Words that will last a lifetime.
Oh Lor, your reflections always pierce me right in the heart. Thank you for feeling into this journey on such a magnificently deep and empathic level.
You are very welcome, and I do. I came into this journey a bit late, so the past and present have been a bit blurred for me. One thing is for sure, I am so glad to know that you are now, more often on โsolid groundโ than not.
I recently left you a comment , as I just read Post 4/3 ..โฆ( it makes my heart burn just to write out the words, so I will not ). You may want to give it a quick read.
I was going to put this in Substackโs new DM , but truthfully I think itโs a horrid idea. Authors are busy enough writing new posts and replying to comments. And , having a life . Seems like a path to unwanted personal communications. I think it would be better utilized in conversations between authors, instead of notes.
Which we all can see, and sometimes thatโs not a good thing.
Oh, speaking of notes, I saw the picture of Dylan in the private showing.
One big beautiful heart held together by a room full of love and kindness. It is a photograph I shall never forget.
Bravo.๐
You two are both such inspirations. Your surrender, your Moms enduring grace, how willing and how honest you both are, and how you both had to learn to dance with and around many an unexpected visitor and plot twist. I donโt think it would be possible for me to feel any more warmly towards you both than I already do ๐
Totally agree!
Key word "learn"... and still learning! Nesting into your warmth dear friend. x
I read this earlier, Kimberly, but hadn't had time to comment. The love between you and your mother through this difficult time holds "the unfixed" --and not so by the way: What a fab title for this gorgeous memoir that must be read from the beginning.
Thank you friend. Your words always make me feel cozy and loved, like a favorite blanket.
Which title did you mean? Unfixed or the title on this chapter? Just curious, as others have been throwing in their suggestions too. ๐
I meant _Unfixed_!!!!!
And because of this chapter, I think you might like what I posted today on a site where I also write and where I would like to be my guest in the fall! Here's today's post: https://innerlifecollaborative.substack.com/p/memories and write me privately for scheduling you for the fall 2024, probably October--I know that's way ahead, but you'd be so great as my guest.
I donโt think I fully appreciated the depth of the waves your illness has made you navigate until this chapter. I love that your mother could hold you while you work through all of the hurt and anger and I love that sheโs here commenting, and cheering you on. This memoir is such a gift to both of you and to us.
Thank you for your honest sharing Ben. You're not alone in misunderstanding just how debilitating vestibular disorders can be. After finally getting a proper diagnosis 5 years later, I found an entire global community living with the exact same experiences I was having, including the isolation, panic, lack of understanding from family, delayed diagnoses... it's not uncommon for some vestibular patients to go through 20 practitioners before getting a proper diagnosis. With proper medication and teaching my brain to adapt to the constant motion, I was finally able to get back some semblance of my life and directed a series specifically for dizzy patients. I'm including the link to the first episode - - they're short (each about 12 minutes) but are going a long way to try to help close that gap of misunderstanding for patients, their loved ones and their care providers.
https://youtu.be/yIRiGXavYww?si=8VTrm84iI9_Xbefw
Such an arduous journey. Iโm so glad youโve found ways to manage it and return to some sense of your life before. Thatโs huge. What an inspiring service you do for this community in both supporting and raising awareness.
Gosh, this might be one of the most intensely emotional episodes yet, Kim - what a moment of understanding, love and honesty! I keep coming back to the horror of your dizziness - a few bouts last year, and more recently, and I was completely helpless and terrified. Much love to you...
Ah Kimberly! How painful this journey has been, how disrupted and groundless your reality became, all those surfaces that are supposed to remain calm and still, rearing up in your face. I donโt know how you made it through. I love the photo of you and your mum. The look on your face is priceless and what a beauty your mum is. Brilliant writing all the way. I donโt want it to end!
Thank you Jan! It's so much easier in hindsight to say it was all worth it, though I doubt the "me" all tangled up inside each moment would've agreed. I've so appreciated your supportive, empathic voice along the way...I had no idea that sharing my story would become such a deeply connecting, community-building experience. A few more chapters to post and then I'll be on to my next creative adventure! (With no clue yet what that will be!)
Kimberly, what a beautiful portrait of your mom, of love, of the paradoxes of our humanness.
๐
So beautiful and I relate to this so much!! Trying to have a normal outing for once...the rage that comes out of nowhere, especially for the person who helps you most...just wanting release...wonderfully written.
Touching, Kimberly. Your mumโs unconditional love. Your reverence of her emotional strength. Your writing being so vulnerable and honest. This is wonderful.
I loved this line:
โRage eviscerates rationality.โ Three words saying so much!
Thank you Michael! We're nearing the finish line... I can't believe I've been sharing chapters weekly for almost a year now. About three more to go. Thanks for hanging in there for the long haul!
As far as Iโm concerned, thereโs no โhanging in thereโ more like, โenjoying it every bit of itโ.
Thanks Kimberly :)
One again Iโm filled with admiration for your Mom. Providing a non-judging, safe space to โholdโ a (son or) daughterโs rage, sorrow and confusion takes incredible strength, great maturity and an abundance of love. I agree itโs impossible to get parenting โright.โ After all, we parents are in a life-long process of learning too. And your Momโs abilities to learn/change with you, while still accepting full responsibility for an action she has come to regret shows an admirable dedication to hold the tension of emotional oppositesโwith your best interest remaining centermost in her heart. Thank you for sharing her with us so tenderly.๐
Someday the three of us will have to sit across from one another and share tea. Thank you, always, for your most skillful and thoughtful reflections Shaler.
Iโd make the trip! Shall we join her in Wisconsin? Seriously, something to ponderโฆ 3 women from 3 different decades. Could be good.๐
Haha, well you wouldn't find her in Wisconsin. She abandoned that ship years ago and now lives in Boulder, CO near her grandchildren and my brother. ;) I visit there often so if you ever have plans to head that direction, let me know and I'll make the trip!
Beautiful. And that photo of you & your mom is so gorgeous! โฅ๏ธ
She's a stunner. Always has been, always will be!
Your mama IS radiant! What a stunner. Her inner glow is gorgeous.
Iโm so happy you got to return to the safety under her wings and just be, whatever that meant in the moment. Helpless, furious, lovingโฆmothers are so damn good at that. Watching your unraveling, your rage, even when itโs directed straight at them, and still they continue to gather you up in their fold. I picture you as a fuzzy baby swan stomping her flippers whilst your mother looks upon you with grace and unconditional love. This might be my favorite chapter yet. I wish it was longer ๐๐ฅน Youโve beautifully captured the relationship between mother, daughter and despite their best efforts at loving us, the mistakes that are inevitably made on the path of parenting. The resolution at the end was full of ache and divinity. Once again, I am in tears at the end of the chapter and I am so grateful.
I thought about you a lot while editing this chapter Jenovia. While your relationship with your mom was fleeting in the human-realm, I celebrate its everlasting love in other dimensions.) You have kept her alive through your loving; even here in your comments, I feel her. I am not a mother, but I imagine this might be the greatest joy or hope for a mother, to know her love, in all its many colors, is lasting.
โค๏ธโ๐ฅ๐ฅน to all of this. My heart, my soul.
what a compelling at times harrowing story and you write it with the nuance respect and patience of love the literary aspect is something gifted from another source perhaps but you don't let a drop of that talent escape
I love the idea of my words are somehow sourced from another, perhaps more intangible place...that's actually how it feels at times!