The universe showed itself to you in that moment. What an incredible turn of events. I’m so riveted by your writing and your reflections. I haven’t ever read something that held my heart this tightly. It’s such a gift. Thank you.
Wow. "Turn around if you'd give up everything you've learned since your person died, in order to have them back." It's been 17 years and for most of them I've known the answer was "No." And I've felt guilty always. As if I didn't love enough to answer, "yes." As if I were badly flawed. This morning I was in that audience, looking at all those backs. Thank you for giving me that experience.
Oh! The guilt is very real and I, too, have struggled with feeling the more nuanced consequences of loss. I’m so glad you joined the audience today and felt seen. (And massive hug and thank you for upgrading your subscription today. I feel humbled by your gesture of support. ❤️
“The Scarlet D’s like the versions of themselves that have been dragged into the slaughter house, necks exposed to the sharp and unforgiving blade of loss.” Incredible line, searingly effective. It must’ve been difficult for you as a vegetarian to even imagine that image, but it’s perfect. Love your courage and commitment to telling the truth.
Very powerful post, wow. A side comment about eating meat: I'm a veterinarian living in the French countryside where I know several hunters and farmers who love animals and wildlife, but are most definitely not vegetarian. I'm not a vegetarian either and it doesn't bother me. Not looking for a debate, just presenting to you a different point of view.
Hmm, brain fart from our breakfast together, I thought you staked a claim against meat. Well, I’m in the same pickle as you are. Wannabe vegetarian, but haven’t figured out the protein part.
What an incredible experience! Such synchronicity. Isn't that a clear sign that the universe is in fact communicating with us on an individual basis?
It makes me wonder why C.G. Jung defined synchronicity as "Coincidence of events that appear meaningfully related but do not seem to be causally connected..."
The connection ~ causal or not ~ seems too obvious to miss!!
And I love the way you are describing the precise moment when the 'call from the universe hits home':
"But then I stop. Rewind. Play the segment again. I stare at the screen, synapses in a sudden scramble. The pen drops to the floor and I start sweating."
esp. "synapses in a sudden scramble"!
This sounds so familiar ~ I've experienced synaptic activity many times...
Getting a sense now of the trajectory in video/performance that led to Unfixed... :) Sounds like a really powerful performance, especially to have provoked such a strong reaction from the audience.
Haha, hindsight is 20/20... though I never in my dreams could’ve imagined then, where it would land today. Life is funny that way. Always making sense after the fact.
Wow, what a very moving and challenging episode. How lucky the Scarlett D's are to find one another. I have a friend whose 20 year old autistic son took his own life during lockdown. She said she found great solace and comfort in Facebook groups where complete strangers shared their feelings, stories and milestones. Your 'aha' moment is great, the sentence that was meant just for you! Have to say I was sorry not to hear more re Beau and life in Japan and Australia but can understand why you didn't include it.
Oof. What a gut-punch to your friend. I have 28 year old step-daughter with intellectual disability and autism and she too really struggled during the pandemic. The group home she lives in quarantined residents upwards of 60 days in their rooms. It was an absolute nightmare but thankfully we got her into a much better situation after that.
I bet you would've liked to have heard more about those travels! (I so enjoy how you walk me through all the sensory details of your adventures.) It's hard to know what to include and what to edit out, but keeping with the "unfixed" theme, it did feel like I need to move it along through those years. Another book, another life. ;)
It occurred to me that in your previous pieces you were often looking for a sign and here’s one that seemed to fall right into your lap. Right place, right time. I’m in awe of the way the world works sometimes (especially when we’re not trying so hard to make it so.)
Indeed! It did feel like a hug and a nudge from my dad. And also easier to see and feel the serendipity and mystery of it all decades later. I think I was looking so hard for "signs" back then that when they happened, I missed them altogether. ;)
The serendipitous magic of life will always amaze me. How the Universe reaches out with a lifeline if we are still & soft enough to receive it. This was beautiful. As always.
Yes, the serendipity of that “footage on grief” landing in my lap feels like pure angelic intervention.:)
The universe showed itself to you in that moment. What an incredible turn of events. I’m so riveted by your writing and your reflections. I haven’t ever read something that held my heart this tightly. It’s such a gift. Thank you.
Wow. "Turn around if you'd give up everything you've learned since your person died, in order to have them back." It's been 17 years and for most of them I've known the answer was "No." And I've felt guilty always. As if I didn't love enough to answer, "yes." As if I were badly flawed. This morning I was in that audience, looking at all those backs. Thank you for giving me that experience.
Oh! The guilt is very real and I, too, have struggled with feeling the more nuanced consequences of loss. I’m so glad you joined the audience today and felt seen. (And massive hug and thank you for upgrading your subscription today. I feel humbled by your gesture of support. ❤️
This was probably at least the third of your posts that touched me deeply ... I don't want to miss what's coming.
“And then, surely breaking the fourth wall, she looks into my eyes.”😊
And wow. Thank you. This scene you’ve enabled us to witness is powerful.
“The Scarlet D’s like the versions of themselves that have been dragged into the slaughter house, necks exposed to the sharp and unforgiving blade of loss.” Incredible line, searingly effective. It must’ve been difficult for you as a vegetarian to even imagine that image, but it’s perfect. Love your courage and commitment to telling the truth.
I’m a vegetarian? The animal lover in me wishes it were so but I’ve tried, and alas, my body refuses.
But yes, vegetarian or not, it’s hard to imagine anything but kisses and snuggles with my feathered, finned and fur friends.❤️
Very powerful post, wow. A side comment about eating meat: I'm a veterinarian living in the French countryside where I know several hunters and farmers who love animals and wildlife, but are most definitely not vegetarian. I'm not a vegetarian either and it doesn't bother me. Not looking for a debate, just presenting to you a different point of view.
Yes! I honor that some are able to be at peace with eating meat. And through reciprocity and gratitude, I’m trying to find my way there too.:)
Hmm, brain fart from our breakfast together, I thought you staked a claim against meat. Well, I’m in the same pickle as you are. Wannabe vegetarian, but haven’t figured out the protein part.
Raised by two people who could have been up there with those kids. Incredibly moving.
What an incredible experience! Such synchronicity. Isn't that a clear sign that the universe is in fact communicating with us on an individual basis?
It makes me wonder why C.G. Jung defined synchronicity as "Coincidence of events that appear meaningfully related but do not seem to be causally connected..."
The connection ~ causal or not ~ seems too obvious to miss!!
And I love the way you are describing the precise moment when the 'call from the universe hits home':
"But then I stop. Rewind. Play the segment again. I stare at the screen, synapses in a sudden scramble. The pen drops to the floor and I start sweating."
esp. "synapses in a sudden scramble"!
This sounds so familiar ~ I've experienced synaptic activity many times...
"...events that appear meaningfully related..." This agency to create our own meaning is such an important and powerful part of being human. x
Getting a sense now of the trajectory in video/performance that led to Unfixed... :) Sounds like a really powerful performance, especially to have provoked such a strong reaction from the audience.
Haha, hindsight is 20/20... though I never in my dreams could’ve imagined then, where it would land today. Life is funny that way. Always making sense after the fact.
Wow, what a very moving and challenging episode. How lucky the Scarlett D's are to find one another. I have a friend whose 20 year old autistic son took his own life during lockdown. She said she found great solace and comfort in Facebook groups where complete strangers shared their feelings, stories and milestones. Your 'aha' moment is great, the sentence that was meant just for you! Have to say I was sorry not to hear more re Beau and life in Japan and Australia but can understand why you didn't include it.
Oof. What a gut-punch to your friend. I have 28 year old step-daughter with intellectual disability and autism and she too really struggled during the pandemic. The group home she lives in quarantined residents upwards of 60 days in their rooms. It was an absolute nightmare but thankfully we got her into a much better situation after that.
I bet you would've liked to have heard more about those travels! (I so enjoy how you walk me through all the sensory details of your adventures.) It's hard to know what to include and what to edit out, but keeping with the "unfixed" theme, it did feel like I need to move it along through those years. Another book, another life. ;)
Yes, many more books to write! I'm glad your step daughter made it through those hard times.
It occurred to me that in your previous pieces you were often looking for a sign and here’s one that seemed to fall right into your lap. Right place, right time. I’m in awe of the way the world works sometimes (especially when we’re not trying so hard to make it so.)
Indeed! It did feel like a hug and a nudge from my dad. And also easier to see and feel the serendipity and mystery of it all decades later. I think I was looking so hard for "signs" back then that when they happened, I missed them altogether. ;)
I totally get it. I’m glad this one presented it self to you! ❤️
The serendipitous magic of life will always amaze me. How the Universe reaches out with a lifeline if we are still & soft enough to receive it. This was beautiful. As always.
🙏🏻🖤
This ties in so beautifully with your serialized memoir. I can see why that tape stopped you in your tracks. But what a gift it was.
Omg amazing 👏
So moving. ❤️🩹