Your writing IS gorgeous. And everything you write is captivating and relatable in some way.
After losing my dad and stepdad earlier in life, I was "functioning on autopilot" too. Processing in real time is generally best. But sometimes, I've wondered if that was what I needed to do then. I don't know if I would've been even able to process a lot of it at those ages. But by my 40s, I felt like I had no choice but to unpack it all. I couldn't carry things the same way anymore.
Your writing seems so in the moment and real — and that makes sense. The frozen-in-time phrase is so fitting for so many feelings. Thank you for sharing this.
I think you’re spot-on with the later-in-life processing. There seems to be an innate wisdom in our bodies that knows when something is too overwhelming. Even though we may pay for it later medically, I think our nervous systems do they best they can to protect us until we are resourced enough to untangle it all.
"Pay for it later medically" — so good to point that out. People have known for this forever, the science is catching up, but healthcare is still way behind.
This installment perfect captures the absurdity of letting go of a parent’s ashes...at once immersed in every detail of your surroundings, while also being equally and completely out of your own body.
Also worth noting: I, too, have an association between cookies and death (my mom couldn’t stop eating Walker’s shortbread in her final months). So—weirdly—you are not alone there. ❤️
I’m continually in awe of how beautifully you weave words together. I can’t wait for each installment aaaaaand I wish you could teach me everything you know! I want to highlight and underline practically every line! What a gift you have for sharing these intimate moments. I don’t often experience what I read visually but with your pieces, I feel like I’m peering at the scene from some ethereal realm, watching it all unfold in real time.
Gah! I don’t know if you saw a response I had to a note yesterday but I feel like an imposter in this community. Truly. I’m an untrained writer, and trying to learn everything I can from all of you. So many skilled writers here. I struggle big time finding the right words, sometimes chewing on a mere sentence for hours. No technique other than closing my eyes, putting my body back into the scene and writing from the feelings and senses that emerge. Writing is a very kinesthetic experience for me. Less brain and more body. So even though it’s seriously HARD WORK for me, I’m beyond delighted that whatever I’m doing is working for some of you.🤣❤️
It's a lot of work for me too. I spend hours writing aa single post and I'm always like, why am I so sloooow? I went to school for writing (in my 30s) and I still feel like an imposter. I hope it goes away but I don't know a single writer who doesn't (at least some of the time.)
And while I'm replying to your comments over here.... Wahhhhhh! I woke up sad that I don't have more "Mary" to read today. So if you want to send that piece over before the weekend, I won't refuse. xo
I struggle to think clearly and express my thoughts when I’m only writing from my mind. Words have to come from my body and then I wait until my mind tries to make sense of them. So your reflection is quite meaningful, that somehow I’m articulating in such a way that it lands as music, or something you’re receiving with your senses. Thank you for sharing this!
More beautiful writing Kimberly and especially meaningful for me as I have just driven 7hrs south from Sydney to attend the scattering of my young (32) nephew’s ashes who died 3 years ago in an accident at sea. We’ll be out in a boat at his favourite surfing spot. I’ll take your words with me...
Oh my, this sounds intense, beautiful, heart-wrenching. I attended a few of those ceremonies while living in Australia with my surfer boyfriend. It was quite a solemn, memorable ritual—surfers outside the sets, sitting on their boards in a circle, scattering ashes and saying prayers for the deceased. Wishing you calm and strength as you enter into it all.
Thanks Kimberly, just back, it went well. Ah yes, when my nephew died there were many of those in his honour... we probab know people in common, we must talk one to one soon!
Your writing IS gorgeous. And everything you write is captivating and relatable in some way.
After losing my dad and stepdad earlier in life, I was "functioning on autopilot" too. Processing in real time is generally best. But sometimes, I've wondered if that was what I needed to do then. I don't know if I would've been even able to process a lot of it at those ages. But by my 40s, I felt like I had no choice but to unpack it all. I couldn't carry things the same way anymore.
Your writing seems so in the moment and real — and that makes sense. The frozen-in-time phrase is so fitting for so many feelings. Thank you for sharing this.
I think you’re spot-on with the later-in-life processing. There seems to be an innate wisdom in our bodies that knows when something is too overwhelming. Even though we may pay for it later medically, I think our nervous systems do they best they can to protect us until we are resourced enough to untangle it all.
Thank you for your kindest reflections. ❤️
"Pay for it later medically" — so good to point that out. People have known for this forever, the science is catching up, but healthcare is still way behind.
This installment perfect captures the absurdity of letting go of a parent’s ashes...at once immersed in every detail of your surroundings, while also being equally and completely out of your own body.
Also worth noting: I, too, have an association between cookies and death (my mom couldn’t stop eating Walker’s shortbread in her final months). So—weirdly—you are not alone there. ❤️
So many amazing lines in this I can’t even quote them all. The WHOLE PIECE.
Exquisite writing as always, Kimberly. EXQUISITE!!! YES I AM YELLING bc it is that good!!!
I can’t wait until my next day off and I can start at #1 of your memoir.
Ohmygoodness. I feel silly saying thank you because the smile circulating through my blood says so much more.
I’m continually in awe of how beautifully you weave words together. I can’t wait for each installment aaaaaand I wish you could teach me everything you know! I want to highlight and underline practically every line! What a gift you have for sharing these intimate moments. I don’t often experience what I read visually but with your pieces, I feel like I’m peering at the scene from some ethereal realm, watching it all unfold in real time.
Gah! I don’t know if you saw a response I had to a note yesterday but I feel like an imposter in this community. Truly. I’m an untrained writer, and trying to learn everything I can from all of you. So many skilled writers here. I struggle big time finding the right words, sometimes chewing on a mere sentence for hours. No technique other than closing my eyes, putting my body back into the scene and writing from the feelings and senses that emerge. Writing is a very kinesthetic experience for me. Less brain and more body. So even though it’s seriously HARD WORK for me, I’m beyond delighted that whatever I’m doing is working for some of you.🤣❤️
It's a lot of work for me too. I spend hours writing aa single post and I'm always like, why am I so sloooow? I went to school for writing (in my 30s) and I still feel like an imposter. I hope it goes away but I don't know a single writer who doesn't (at least some of the time.)
Anywho...you're brilliant! Keep going!
Awww, thanks for making me feel less alone in it! We can turtle our way there. Thank goodness I enjoy the journey. 👏
what exquisite writing and reflection - thank you for sharing.
You’re so welcome! Thank you for the love and encouragement.
..."the life-force longing" -- so powerful. What a close!
And while I'm replying to your comments over here.... Wahhhhhh! I woke up sad that I don't have more "Mary" to read today. So if you want to send that piece over before the weekend, I won't refuse. xo
You'll have another on Thursday: Chapter 43 "Repair". So, I'll wait on the other ... xo ~ Mary
I feel like listening to an album full of moving melancholic songs…
‘Instead I shove it into the familiar glacial mass in my belly where it is always winter.’
So beautiful…
I struggle to think clearly and express my thoughts when I’m only writing from my mind. Words have to come from my body and then I wait until my mind tries to make sense of them. So your reflection is quite meaningful, that somehow I’m articulating in such a way that it lands as music, or something you’re receiving with your senses. Thank you for sharing this!
More beautiful writing Kimberly and especially meaningful for me as I have just driven 7hrs south from Sydney to attend the scattering of my young (32) nephew’s ashes who died 3 years ago in an accident at sea. We’ll be out in a boat at his favourite surfing spot. I’ll take your words with me...
Oh my, this sounds intense, beautiful, heart-wrenching. I attended a few of those ceremonies while living in Australia with my surfer boyfriend. It was quite a solemn, memorable ritual—surfers outside the sets, sitting on their boards in a circle, scattering ashes and saying prayers for the deceased. Wishing you calm and strength as you enter into it all.
Thanks Kimberly, just back, it went well. Ah yes, when my nephew died there were many of those in his honour... we probab know people in common, we must talk one to one soon!
I have that hunch as well. Yes! I'd love to overseas zoom with you.
Tremendous writing.
Thank you Kenny!
Well said. It’s remarkable how humans can be “disembodied” and also acutely aware of our surroundings in the same breath.
And what a funny association we both share! If I’m ever back in Madison we may have to enjoy a few cookies and conversation together.:)
Thank you for your kind embrace Baz!