Not an obstacle to progress but a vital rhythm, inefficiency is devoted to the unfolding of life in all its unruly, unpredictable, profoundly necessary fullness.
What an inspiring unfixing of a cat-aclysmal unshelter. I love the reminder of how animals grieve and care for their beloved deceased kin. The apparent inefficiency of nature may be nurturing another part of being unseen by the anthropocentric mind. Efficiency is literally the production of an output in relation to the input, the accomplishment of something in the fastest and easiest way with the least hassle. This stands in direct contradiction to the Tao, where 'the way is the destination'. What if love, compassion, and kindess are more 'efficient' in generating life, than a 'cost-effective final solution'? Not to mention the wonderful stories which are now here to stay, to nurture the collective human and animal-soul...
Goodness, I invite you to write a part II on this Veronika! I want to quote everything you just shared. But especially your reflection that inefficiency is perhaps "nature nurturing another part of being." I want to believe that love and compassion are essential to life, why would sentient beings evolve with these abilities if not necessary to their "success?" But even that word needs to be examined because success in our culture lives right alongside the efficiency timeline, with eyes only on the end. "The way is the destination" is so simple. Yet so beautiful it makes my heart soften every time I say it.
Invitation accepted. I'll think about this. I'm currently reading a book on the relationship between finance and language, how money disconnected from products and services is the equivalent of words having become disconnected from their meanings. This is where words like 'success, efficiency, progress, etc.' come in. They effectively mean very little, yet have been filled with some shiny associations, that give the impression of a glorious future, always out of reach. 'The ends justify the means' (which is the exact opposite of 'the way is the destination') One lives continuously in the future, which is eternally out of reach. The other lives in the present, where we are in any given moment, the only window of opportunity to do anything, and to be in this world.
Inefficiency is a negation of 'efficiency' which means even less, apart from taking away the alleged advantiges and empty promises of 'efficiency'. I'll need to think of another word for that...
Kimberly, this is wonderful. Love your little names - Garbaj Mahal (LOL!). And this: “Even a dolphin carries her dead calf for days, as if to insist: this, too, matters—tracing the impossible boundary between grief and love, inefficiency and purpose.” In our group chat, my writing workshop pals have been talking about the articles on Tahlequah, the Orca whose calf just died. She’s carrying him as she did the previous one, and “Brad,” a whale “expert” quoted in the article, actually *said* it’s inefficient for her to carry her dead calf. No scientist can be that heartless, can they?
“22 shells are cheaper than cat food.” That depends on how you tally the value. 22 shells are fired from a place of cold, dark, loveless, loneliness without poetry or insight or true strength. An easy shot.
Cat food, and thoughtfulness, and time, and guardianship instead of ownership, and a deeply poetic strength that weaves together instead of tears apart is the very essence of love. Who wants to live in a world of “efficient” metallic shots over a world of earthy, flesh reaching in warm protection toward fellow beings?
The thing for me with “efficiency” is perspective and goals. Neither of which the worshipper of efficiency can really understand and master, both of which are always parochial and self-indulgent.
Thanks again for a wonderful read Kimberly, I feel the world is a little bit healthier now than before I read this :)
I choose "a world of earthy, flesh reaching in warm protection toward fellow beings" Jonathan! And your distinction between guardianship and ownership is essential, I remember you mentioning this pairing in our conversation this week and it really gave me pause. Poetic insight and love could never come from efficiency's demands, both need time, so much time!, to root, then sprout, then sing.
As I write, I glance out the window of our snowy landscape, distracted by a branch bouncing then emptying itself of snow. Then I noticed the Squirrel, climbing , slipping, dangling, flying to another branch, only to scramble down the tree trunk, prancing over the snow and off into the woods. Inefficiently going about life as a Squirrel. Kimberly this “Defense Of” contains an entire harvest of emotions, and so eloquently written. The photographs brought tears , cat faces telling stories, humans finding the will to aid with love and a spark of hope . Then I read the comments. A story of orphaned cats forming a survival community, a stripped down version of a commune if you will. And now a gathering of like minded individuals, seamlessly bonding together bringing their words. Some with similar stories, others, offering up so much beauty . With heart, and sorrow , and a willingness to effect a change regardless of what that might look like . It takes a special writer to inspire these truly incredible replies.
The way you see, assimilate, articulate the world and then share this understanding is beyond beautiful Lor. That story of the kitty commune! I walked the line between its despair and hope reading it. Which I think is exactly what inefficiency invites us to do, in a way. To feel, allow, the tension of opposites sit right along side one another, our hearts the only place where they both can truly coexist. Say hi to Squirrel from me and thank him for forgetting where he put all those acorns so new saplings can emerge.
Mr. White Ears,( there is also a Mrs. One White) .I’m not sure if he is a master planner of mazes and hides holes, or like you said , forgetful “ now where did I hide that last pile”. He is certainly an Olympic gymnast. Or maybe, like Johnny Appleseed, he deserves the title of a folk hero.
Oh, friend. What a stunning, raw, living picture of inefficiency you've given us. I feel like this word is taking on new dimension by the hour. So many moments in this essay made me stop, slow down, reread. "But inefficiency held us in her inexorable grip, insisting that patience and gentle yielding mattered more than precision or haste. Stay, listen, tend, wait." Yes, yes. Also, "Even a dolphin carries her dead calf for days, as if to insist: this, too, matters—tracing the impossible boundary between grief and love, inefficiency and purpose." What an image to help us grapple with all the value that exists beyond the most expedient.
Garbaj Mahal!!! You are an angel on earth, Kimberly. Thank you so much for sharing pics of the kitties with us. I laughed, I cried, I raged (that property owner is wretched and I won't write out what I was really thinking about him). Greyjoy was soooo stunning. I'm sad that he didn't get to experience more of the world's kindness but what a great goodbye he was able to experience through you. "A kind of love that asks everything of us, and promises nothing but the chance to feel the beautiful, unresolved wreckage of our aliveness." No pressure...but turning this into a book could be incredible. I know, I know...one book at a time!!! 😍
Awww, I needed your words today friend! Feeling a bit lonely today after caring for my mom for a week. Missing my man, my creatures, the trees that keep me rooted. Thank you for turning yourself inside out and sharing with me a glimpse of your beautiful inner landscape. I feel seen and the wonderful thing about feeling seen is that magically, it boomerangs and I feel in this moment, I see you too. And my goodness are you gorgeous.❤️
"Garbarj Mahal", Kimberly you even make a derelict property sound poetic! I love that...
But I have had to delay in replying, my own little Sassy Cat is missing now for three weeks, it is hunting season, there are marauding men, and the occasional woman, not lovers of the feline race everywhere. They will shoot for fun, just to end the day with gratification of blood on their hands if the day has been unsuccessful. I have cried and called on repeat for all those days but she is nowhere. And everywhere...
Now, the fear neither confirmed nor accepted, but calmed to a silent grieving, I have read again your warm and heart filled words of furry attachments and come to this, “In his death, inefficiency delivered us: to grief, to gratitude, to the unbearable beauty of trying..." and then this "caring is not linear. It doesn’t march forward, ticking off boxes toward completion. It loops, falters, folds in on itself; it lingers in the ruins and the possibility, turning with equal reverence toward both." and I know that despite my own inefficiency of guardianship, there was love and caring and now, memories of her story too. xx
Oh Susie. I don't want to heart this comment. I want to smoosh hugs and tears all over it. The ache of calling out, not knowing, looping on an endless spin of what if's, this is such a hard workout on the heart. And then to be surrounded by humans who don't relate, and contribute to the problem. That must be maddening, isolating, shattering. The unbearable beauty of trying is really where I rest, allowing for the unresolvable uncertainty to sit along side all the emotions that feel so certain. To know our hearts will always and forever continue to try, to devote themselves to love over and over again, even when it means we might be wrecked. I'll have my late hens keep an eye out for your Sassy and wrap her up in their angelic wings if they find her. xo
In her silence, I am still hoping Kimberly, I have to but if your hens send word of her arrival then I will know, at least she will be loved again... xx
"Yet efficiency’s myth of arrival can’t fathom life’s complexity, the vast web of interconnected care and consequence that follows any act of loving intervention. It sees only the shortest path to a predefined end, bypassing the detours where meaning is born." These two sentences stopped me, Kimberly. This human tendency to set and achieve an objective without awareness of our interconnectedness with all of life can lead to disastrous consequences. The horrific heartbreak of the genocide in Gaza is an extreme example. The traumas just echo down through the generations.
So true Dawn, painfully true. The consequence seems to be nowhere in the equation anymore except in interpersonal relationships, our small, tended communities. May these continue to shine brightly as the world tries to snuff them out.
Wow Kimberly! This is one of those posts where I want to quote every line, which, excuse the pun, would be terribly inefficient.
I settled for these two:
“But inefficiency held us in her inexorable grip, insisting that patience and gentle yielding mattered more than precision or haste.”
“In his death, inefficiency delivered us: to grief, to gratitude, to the unbearable beauty of trying, but also revealed her harsh truth: I never promised resolution. I only asked that you offer yourself wholly to the process.” —this one is just amazing.
Such a beautifully written piece, with such a beautiful message. I enjoyed every word. And ahhh poor Greyjoy!
How have I missed your utterly indescribably beautiful writing Kimberly. In every word and sentence, you broke my heart and then remade it anew. This is why I love it here. Thank you for this beautiful story ✨💛
Emily! And who am I to receive such beautiful feedback and a paid subscription to boot? My goodness, thank you thank you. There is so much breaking and mending of hearts happening over here on Substack, isn't there? It's quite a magical place.
What an inspiring unfixing of a cat-aclysmal unshelter. I love the reminder of how animals grieve and care for their beloved deceased kin. The apparent inefficiency of nature may be nurturing another part of being unseen by the anthropocentric mind. Efficiency is literally the production of an output in relation to the input, the accomplishment of something in the fastest and easiest way with the least hassle. This stands in direct contradiction to the Tao, where 'the way is the destination'. What if love, compassion, and kindess are more 'efficient' in generating life, than a 'cost-effective final solution'? Not to mention the wonderful stories which are now here to stay, to nurture the collective human and animal-soul...
Goodness, I invite you to write a part II on this Veronika! I want to quote everything you just shared. But especially your reflection that inefficiency is perhaps "nature nurturing another part of being." I want to believe that love and compassion are essential to life, why would sentient beings evolve with these abilities if not necessary to their "success?" But even that word needs to be examined because success in our culture lives right alongside the efficiency timeline, with eyes only on the end. "The way is the destination" is so simple. Yet so beautiful it makes my heart soften every time I say it.
Invitation accepted. I'll think about this. I'm currently reading a book on the relationship between finance and language, how money disconnected from products and services is the equivalent of words having become disconnected from their meanings. This is where words like 'success, efficiency, progress, etc.' come in. They effectively mean very little, yet have been filled with some shiny associations, that give the impression of a glorious future, always out of reach. 'The ends justify the means' (which is the exact opposite of 'the way is the destination') One lives continuously in the future, which is eternally out of reach. The other lives in the present, where we are in any given moment, the only window of opportunity to do anything, and to be in this world.
Inefficiency is a negation of 'efficiency' which means even less, apart from taking away the alleged advantiges and empty promises of 'efficiency'. I'll need to think of another word for that...
Kimberly, this is wonderful. Love your little names - Garbaj Mahal (LOL!). And this: “Even a dolphin carries her dead calf for days, as if to insist: this, too, matters—tracing the impossible boundary between grief and love, inefficiency and purpose.” In our group chat, my writing workshop pals have been talking about the articles on Tahlequah, the Orca whose calf just died. She’s carrying him as she did the previous one, and “Brad,” a whale “expert” quoted in the article, actually *said* it’s inefficient for her to carry her dead calf. No scientist can be that heartless, can they?
Wow. I'd love to see that article Julie. Tahlequah's ritual un-answers everything we think we know about animals. And that couldn't make me happier. x
This should be it. https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/climate-lab/mother-orca-tahlequah-once-again-carrying-her-dead-calf/
Another gorgeous read.
“22 shells are cheaper than cat food.” That depends on how you tally the value. 22 shells are fired from a place of cold, dark, loveless, loneliness without poetry or insight or true strength. An easy shot.
Cat food, and thoughtfulness, and time, and guardianship instead of ownership, and a deeply poetic strength that weaves together instead of tears apart is the very essence of love. Who wants to live in a world of “efficient” metallic shots over a world of earthy, flesh reaching in warm protection toward fellow beings?
The thing for me with “efficiency” is perspective and goals. Neither of which the worshipper of efficiency can really understand and master, both of which are always parochial and self-indulgent.
Thanks again for a wonderful read Kimberly, I feel the world is a little bit healthier now than before I read this :)
I choose "a world of earthy, flesh reaching in warm protection toward fellow beings" Jonathan! And your distinction between guardianship and ownership is essential, I remember you mentioning this pairing in our conversation this week and it really gave me pause. Poetic insight and love could never come from efficiency's demands, both need time, so much time!, to root, then sprout, then sing.
Beautiful response to a beautiful piece!
exactly!
As I write, I glance out the window of our snowy landscape, distracted by a branch bouncing then emptying itself of snow. Then I noticed the Squirrel, climbing , slipping, dangling, flying to another branch, only to scramble down the tree trunk, prancing over the snow and off into the woods. Inefficiently going about life as a Squirrel. Kimberly this “Defense Of” contains an entire harvest of emotions, and so eloquently written. The photographs brought tears , cat faces telling stories, humans finding the will to aid with love and a spark of hope . Then I read the comments. A story of orphaned cats forming a survival community, a stripped down version of a commune if you will. And now a gathering of like minded individuals, seamlessly bonding together bringing their words. Some with similar stories, others, offering up so much beauty . With heart, and sorrow , and a willingness to effect a change regardless of what that might look like . It takes a special writer to inspire these truly incredible replies.
The way you see, assimilate, articulate the world and then share this understanding is beyond beautiful Lor. That story of the kitty commune! I walked the line between its despair and hope reading it. Which I think is exactly what inefficiency invites us to do, in a way. To feel, allow, the tension of opposites sit right along side one another, our hearts the only place where they both can truly coexist. Say hi to Squirrel from me and thank him for forgetting where he put all those acorns so new saplings can emerge.
Thank you , Kimberly.
Mr. White Ears,( there is also a Mrs. One White) .I’m not sure if he is a master planner of mazes and hides holes, or like you said , forgetful “ now where did I hide that last pile”. He is certainly an Olympic gymnast. Or maybe, like Johnny Appleseed, he deserves the title of a folk hero.
Oh I hope they make some baby White Ears!
They already have 🐿️🐿️🐿️🐿️
Thanks for this story! So necessary in how we interact with each other, too.
Thank you Natalie. Give me slow, meaningful, open-ended connection and interaction any day over deadlines and productivity.
It’s like 101 Dalmatians with cats! Wow, this was quite an undertaking and such a touching story of kindness and perseverance.
Haha! I didn't even think of that! Does that make me Cruella? :)
Only if you had plans to make a coat out of them!!
The only cat fur I’ll wear is the kind that’s already been shed. And it seems I wear it every day no matter how many lint rollers I go through.
It’s a beacon to those of us who have softie hearts that a cat loves you (and that’s a very good sign)
🤣
🤣
Beautiful. Thank you for this reminder to be gentle, to be patient. 🙏
Your words always express gentleness and patience Samantha. And your art! My goodness, the embodiment of both. :)
This was absolutely gorgeous.
Thank you Katie! So happy you landed here to read it.
Oh, friend. What a stunning, raw, living picture of inefficiency you've given us. I feel like this word is taking on new dimension by the hour. So many moments in this essay made me stop, slow down, reread. "But inefficiency held us in her inexorable grip, insisting that patience and gentle yielding mattered more than precision or haste. Stay, listen, tend, wait." Yes, yes. Also, "Even a dolphin carries her dead calf for days, as if to insist: this, too, matters—tracing the impossible boundary between grief and love, inefficiency and purpose." What an image to help us grapple with all the value that exists beyond the most expedient.
A universe of value beyond the expedient! Now heading over to your essay to lean into your experiences of inefficiency. 💛
Garbaj Mahal!!! You are an angel on earth, Kimberly. Thank you so much for sharing pics of the kitties with us. I laughed, I cried, I raged (that property owner is wretched and I won't write out what I was really thinking about him). Greyjoy was soooo stunning. I'm sad that he didn't get to experience more of the world's kindness but what a great goodbye he was able to experience through you. "A kind of love that asks everything of us, and promises nothing but the chance to feel the beautiful, unresolved wreckage of our aliveness." No pressure...but turning this into a book could be incredible. I know, I know...one book at a time!!! 😍
Awww, I needed your words today friend! Feeling a bit lonely today after caring for my mom for a week. Missing my man, my creatures, the trees that keep me rooted. Thank you for turning yourself inside out and sharing with me a glimpse of your beautiful inner landscape. I feel seen and the wonderful thing about feeling seen is that magically, it boomerangs and I feel in this moment, I see you too. And my goodness are you gorgeous.❤️
I adore you! I'm so sorry you're feeling lonely. I hope your mama recovers soon and you can be reunited with all your magical creatures.
A beautiful testament to the power of showing up, day after day, for the hard, loving, necessary work of caring for the vulnerable.
Indeed. I thought many times how it’s not dissimilar from caring for a sick or aging loved one.
True. We just said goodbye to a beloved, terminally ill dog whose care had become a preoccupation.
"Garbarj Mahal", Kimberly you even make a derelict property sound poetic! I love that...
But I have had to delay in replying, my own little Sassy Cat is missing now for three weeks, it is hunting season, there are marauding men, and the occasional woman, not lovers of the feline race everywhere. They will shoot for fun, just to end the day with gratification of blood on their hands if the day has been unsuccessful. I have cried and called on repeat for all those days but she is nowhere. And everywhere...
Now, the fear neither confirmed nor accepted, but calmed to a silent grieving, I have read again your warm and heart filled words of furry attachments and come to this, “In his death, inefficiency delivered us: to grief, to gratitude, to the unbearable beauty of trying..." and then this "caring is not linear. It doesn’t march forward, ticking off boxes toward completion. It loops, falters, folds in on itself; it lingers in the ruins and the possibility, turning with equal reverence toward both." and I know that despite my own inefficiency of guardianship, there was love and caring and now, memories of her story too. xx
Oh Susie. I don't want to heart this comment. I want to smoosh hugs and tears all over it. The ache of calling out, not knowing, looping on an endless spin of what if's, this is such a hard workout on the heart. And then to be surrounded by humans who don't relate, and contribute to the problem. That must be maddening, isolating, shattering. The unbearable beauty of trying is really where I rest, allowing for the unresolvable uncertainty to sit along side all the emotions that feel so certain. To know our hearts will always and forever continue to try, to devote themselves to love over and over again, even when it means we might be wrecked. I'll have my late hens keep an eye out for your Sassy and wrap her up in their angelic wings if they find her. xo
In her silence, I am still hoping Kimberly, I have to but if your hens send word of her arrival then I will know, at least she will be loved again... xx
"Yet efficiency’s myth of arrival can’t fathom life’s complexity, the vast web of interconnected care and consequence that follows any act of loving intervention. It sees only the shortest path to a predefined end, bypassing the detours where meaning is born." These two sentences stopped me, Kimberly. This human tendency to set and achieve an objective without awareness of our interconnectedness with all of life can lead to disastrous consequences. The horrific heartbreak of the genocide in Gaza is an extreme example. The traumas just echo down through the generations.
So true Dawn, painfully true. The consequence seems to be nowhere in the equation anymore except in interpersonal relationships, our small, tended communities. May these continue to shine brightly as the world tries to snuff them out.
Wow Kimberly! This is one of those posts where I want to quote every line, which, excuse the pun, would be terribly inefficient.
I settled for these two:
“But inefficiency held us in her inexorable grip, insisting that patience and gentle yielding mattered more than precision or haste.”
“In his death, inefficiency delivered us: to grief, to gratitude, to the unbearable beauty of trying, but also revealed her harsh truth: I never promised resolution. I only asked that you offer yourself wholly to the process.” —this one is just amazing.
Such a beautifully written piece, with such a beautiful message. I enjoyed every word. And ahhh poor Greyjoy!
Haha. Efficiency wins in this case. ;) I join sweet Greyjoy as we bow to your generous comment.
How have I missed your utterly indescribably beautiful writing Kimberly. In every word and sentence, you broke my heart and then remade it anew. This is why I love it here. Thank you for this beautiful story ✨💛
Emily! And who am I to receive such beautiful feedback and a paid subscription to boot? My goodness, thank you thank you. There is so much breaking and mending of hearts happening over here on Substack, isn't there? It's quite a magical place.
"the long way home" !!! what good souls you are