I’m reading, listening, learning your story in a very non-linear fashion (which, somehow, feels appropriate) and I’m thinking back to when I first began, thinking ‘oh, Kimberly’s memoir, cool, it’ll be so nice to learn more about her’--never for a moment could I have imagined what you’ve lived through, held, had to navigate. And yet it makes total sense, of course someone as wise, empathetic, emotionally intelligent and in tune with life and all it encompasses as you would, perhaps, have had to live through something so extraordinary to become so extraordinary.
Circular, spiraled and upside-down reading is most appropriate! :)
It has been quite a lot, though no more than any sentient meat-bag. I think what compounded it all for me was a nervous system that wasn't quite built/resourced to handle it all. I remember telling Dave many times, especially in the last eight years, "I just want to be bored." Boring sounded so healing and good and sweet. I joke now with friends and family that I keep "nursing home hours" and am ridiculously happy with simple routines, nature, cats, hens, sunrises, talking about the weather. Alas, I think my nerves are calming down.
Whoa. The synopsis is wild, and uncanny. But my hope is that it wasn't planned. One may never know. But I feel this: "My head spins. Like Shrodinger’s cat, Charlie is trapped in quantum possibility. He is both alive AND dead, and our grief boxed in eternal uncertainty." Maybe that's all we can cling to?
I remember you relating/empathizing to coordinate-less grief in a previous post. You helped me feel OK to wrestle and ache, even when there is no place to put it. I’m leaning in and wondering about your own version(s) of this... you carry a torch of wisdom and clarity through these murky landscapes!
It's so tricky, and my heart aches for the pain you endure. The unknown is such a bottomless void, with so many questions left unanswered. There may not be any comfort, but maybe only this, that maybe wherever he is, he may be joking and laughing at his synopsis, being so on the nose. Maybe the only other comfort is that while you may not have gotten any closure on this, you still have the strength and power to close it yourself. You have the last say to your closure.
“There may not be any comfort, but maybe only this, that maybe wherever he is, he may be joking and laughing at his synopsis, being so on the nose.” OMG I LOVE THIS!!! (And if spirits can read, I bet Charlie would be smiling at your astute conclusion as well.)
And of course you have gained a family and you have relatives and friends who love you and care for you. A positive albeit from such a surreal tragedy.
inching closer to feelings is what music like this can do and listening i see how it did for you...compelling journey and so many wrinkles in this one i didnt know having come in in front or behind
Haha, when in the thick of it, I found myself wanting more sitcom than Dateline. Or how about just a really slow, long Japanese film, ala Yasujirō Ozu where nothing really happens but it's all so graceful and beautiful. Sign me up!
The way the magical thread of mystery is woven in such pivotal moments in your life...ahhhh!!! WOW. WOW. WOW. Life truly is stranger than fiction. This is one helluva ride and I'm so grateful you're taking us along.
I find myself really wanting a ‘usual suspects’ moment, where it all comes together: in an instant one has the perspective to see what really happened. For better or worse real life doesn’t often provide this sort of clarity. Here we all are, stumbling around in the fog of how? why? together…
Wouldn't that be wonderful? I don't have much belief in an afterlife but if I did, I'd hope that kind of clarity would be available then. :) Until then, hugging you in the fog dear Nicola.
Now that I have more of a grasp on your personal story (especially after last week's podcast), I feel the power and importance of this even more. Reading that fiction outline must have been dizzying.
Thank you as always for sharing so openly, Kimberly.
(Also, loved the lines and notions of "urgency precedes craft" and needing "black-ink validation".)
Wow. This dark mystery leaves me breathless. Wordless. I am merely a reader. I cannot imagine walking through the world bearing the ache of wonderment and unanswered hope day to day. . . .
You have such an empathic soul Renée...I struggled more than I can still comprehend, it certainly took my cells a lot longer to integrate all this information than it did my mind. A good lesson to listen to that slower, quieter, but no less powerful pace. xo
And the mystery explodes! I’m willing your findings to have a grain of truth, that somehow Charlie concocted his very plausible disappearance and that somewhere out there in this big beautiful world is the living body of the man whose DNA is nurtured in your own... that he is waiting with a heart as full as yours just for you.
The vaguest of improbable possibilities can become a truism when there is no specifically labelled compartment for grief and hope when the two collide is there... ? 🤍x
Oh the truth in your words! Just when I thought it impossible to adore you more, I do. Thank you for jumping alongside me on this magical carpet ride of hope and possibility!
Wow... This is so completely mesmerizing. It has all the makings of a limited series... You have perfect A and B storylines, two mysteries running in parallel timelines, you have layered characters with two hearts both in deep conflict with themselves, both fueling the engines for the overall story--yearning curiosity versus fear/delight at what one discovers about one's parentage. Then, there's rock and the hard place Charlie/Chuck finds himself in. It's so Noah Hawley meets folk mystery. Cannot wait to read more.💜
OMG. There you go with that brain of yours again. And my "G" is all drawn out with utter amazement... GAWWWWWWWD. I suppose it's in your professional DNA to perfectly identify and summarize the narrative into a brilliant elevator pitch. If I happen to ride one with Noah Hawley, I'll tell him to hold the door so I can read this comment of yours to him. :)
Lol... I was so bleary-eyed when I wrote, but w/ Hawley... you won't have to catch him in the elevator. He's a rarity in that he'll seek you out... study your book down to the syllable and appreciate all its bone-deep interiority. Gotta love that devotion to story :)
My husband and I haven't started Fargo yet, if you can believe it, even from this corn-raised midwesterner. Just finishing up the last season of Barry and then down we go.
I've chuckled with that same thought Michael. And then I think, Oh wait, this is my life?! It's especially intriguing because Charlie left behind a lot of great b-roll, even before the internet existed. ;)
I LOVE this. Just yesterday I was journaling about the challenges of accepting and thriving in a state of ‘not knowing.’ Your story illustrates the heightened polarities of ‘not knowing’ so clearly. And because they are heightened, it allows us more space to wonder, with you, in the space in between.
Sounds like a good topic/musing for a new Soul Chronicles, Shaler! Are you still doing those? I was thinking the other day that I'd like to share your body of work in a future post. Would that be something you'd like?
Mmmmm. My first reaction? Very boring: He was researching background for a mystery novel (or ballad) idea that came to him in the middle of the night. My second reaction: surely someone who left behind so much love among his family wouldn’t have wanted to cause them such sorrow? And even experienced sailors can’t predict squalls https://continuouswave.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/020215.html. But yes, talk about a mystery within a mystery ...
That’s the most plausible explanation. Or some have even postulated post-concussion amnesia. Through conversations with the family it seems his expert nautical skills and an adventurous, trickster nature have kept a desired and definitive answer out of reach.
I love that you used the word “dizzying” to describe this experience. Since you know my story now, it’s easier to see how events first destabilized in the mental realm, then slowly, it worked its way into my cells. I have to wonder now if that’s how illness/disease often works.
I’m reading, listening, learning your story in a very non-linear fashion (which, somehow, feels appropriate) and I’m thinking back to when I first began, thinking ‘oh, Kimberly’s memoir, cool, it’ll be so nice to learn more about her’--never for a moment could I have imagined what you’ve lived through, held, had to navigate. And yet it makes total sense, of course someone as wise, empathetic, emotionally intelligent and in tune with life and all it encompasses as you would, perhaps, have had to live through something so extraordinary to become so extraordinary.
Circular, spiraled and upside-down reading is most appropriate! :)
It has been quite a lot, though no more than any sentient meat-bag. I think what compounded it all for me was a nervous system that wasn't quite built/resourced to handle it all. I remember telling Dave many times, especially in the last eight years, "I just want to be bored." Boring sounded so healing and good and sweet. I joke now with friends and family that I keep "nursing home hours" and am ridiculously happy with simple routines, nature, cats, hens, sunrises, talking about the weather. Alas, I think my nerves are calming down.
thats funny as i have been approaching in same non-linear way...but my perceptions (tribute?) could never rival this
Chloe blows my mind with her perceptions…every…single…time.
peas in a pod
Whoa. The synopsis is wild, and uncanny. But my hope is that it wasn't planned. One may never know. But I feel this: "My head spins. Like Shrodinger’s cat, Charlie is trapped in quantum possibility. He is both alive AND dead, and our grief boxed in eternal uncertainty." Maybe that's all we can cling to?
I remember you relating/empathizing to coordinate-less grief in a previous post. You helped me feel OK to wrestle and ache, even when there is no place to put it. I’m leaning in and wondering about your own version(s) of this... you carry a torch of wisdom and clarity through these murky landscapes!
It's so tricky, and my heart aches for the pain you endure. The unknown is such a bottomless void, with so many questions left unanswered. There may not be any comfort, but maybe only this, that maybe wherever he is, he may be joking and laughing at his synopsis, being so on the nose. Maybe the only other comfort is that while you may not have gotten any closure on this, you still have the strength and power to close it yourself. You have the last say to your closure.
“There may not be any comfort, but maybe only this, that maybe wherever he is, he may be joking and laughing at his synopsis, being so on the nose.” OMG I LOVE THIS!!! (And if spirits can read, I bet Charlie would be smiling at your astute conclusion as well.)
I hope he would be. Big hugs to you. 💕
And of course you have gained a family and you have relatives and friends who love you and care for you. A positive albeit from such a surreal tragedy.
inching closer to feelings is what music like this can do and listening i see how it did for you...compelling journey and so many wrinkles in this one i didnt know having come in in front or behind
So true, music is an extra point into worlds unfelt, unseen.
Oh my dear, that song and your father's voice at the end - such sweet sadness... 💜💜💜
Wow, this is kind of mind blowing. I can’t imagine how it made you feel. It’s like a lifetime movie or a story on Dateline except it’s your life.
Haha, when in the thick of it, I found myself wanting more sitcom than Dateline. Or how about just a really slow, long Japanese film, ala Yasujirō Ozu where nothing really happens but it's all so graceful and beautiful. Sign me up!
I can imagine!
The way the magical thread of mystery is woven in such pivotal moments in your life...ahhhh!!! WOW. WOW. WOW. Life truly is stranger than fiction. This is one helluva ride and I'm so grateful you're taking us along.
My very own Magical Mystery Tour!
I find myself really wanting a ‘usual suspects’ moment, where it all comes together: in an instant one has the perspective to see what really happened. For better or worse real life doesn’t often provide this sort of clarity. Here we all are, stumbling around in the fog of how? why? together…
Wouldn't that be wonderful? I don't have much belief in an afterlife but if I did, I'd hope that kind of clarity would be available then. :) Until then, hugging you in the fog dear Nicola.
Now that I have more of a grasp on your personal story (especially after last week's podcast), I feel the power and importance of this even more. Reading that fiction outline must have been dizzying.
Thank you as always for sharing so openly, Kimberly.
(Also, loved the lines and notions of "urgency precedes craft" and needing "black-ink validation".)
Wow. This dark mystery leaves me breathless. Wordless. I am merely a reader. I cannot imagine walking through the world bearing the ache of wonderment and unanswered hope day to day. . . .
You have such an empathic soul Renée...I struggled more than I can still comprehend, it certainly took my cells a lot longer to integrate all this information than it did my mind. A good lesson to listen to that slower, quieter, but no less powerful pace. xo
And the mystery explodes! I’m willing your findings to have a grain of truth, that somehow Charlie concocted his very plausible disappearance and that somewhere out there in this big beautiful world is the living body of the man whose DNA is nurtured in your own... that he is waiting with a heart as full as yours just for you.
The vaguest of improbable possibilities can become a truism when there is no specifically labelled compartment for grief and hope when the two collide is there... ? 🤍x
Oh the truth in your words! Just when I thought it impossible to adore you more, I do. Thank you for jumping alongside me on this magical carpet ride of hope and possibility!
Wow... This is so completely mesmerizing. It has all the makings of a limited series... You have perfect A and B storylines, two mysteries running in parallel timelines, you have layered characters with two hearts both in deep conflict with themselves, both fueling the engines for the overall story--yearning curiosity versus fear/delight at what one discovers about one's parentage. Then, there's rock and the hard place Charlie/Chuck finds himself in. It's so Noah Hawley meets folk mystery. Cannot wait to read more.💜
OMG. There you go with that brain of yours again. And my "G" is all drawn out with utter amazement... GAWWWWWWWD. I suppose it's in your professional DNA to perfectly identify and summarize the narrative into a brilliant elevator pitch. If I happen to ride one with Noah Hawley, I'll tell him to hold the door so I can read this comment of yours to him. :)
Lol... I was so bleary-eyed when I wrote, but w/ Hawley... you won't have to catch him in the elevator. He's a rarity in that he'll seek you out... study your book down to the syllable and appreciate all its bone-deep interiority. Gotta love that devotion to story :)
My husband and I haven't started Fargo yet, if you can believe it, even from this corn-raised midwesterner. Just finishing up the last season of Barry and then down we go.
Ah, you're in for a treat.
Wow! The plot thickens. I can imagine this memoir being turned into a movie.
It’s all so interesting, Kimberly. :)
I've chuckled with that same thought Michael. And then I think, Oh wait, this is my life?! It's especially intriguing because Charlie left behind a lot of great b-roll, even before the internet existed. ;)
Yes, I guess it would be weird to have your life manipulated by Hollywood.
Ohh wow that does create more potential for something — maybe a documentary... :)
I LOVE this. Just yesterday I was journaling about the challenges of accepting and thriving in a state of ‘not knowing.’ Your story illustrates the heightened polarities of ‘not knowing’ so clearly. And because they are heightened, it allows us more space to wonder, with you, in the space in between.
Sounds like a good topic/musing for a new Soul Chronicles, Shaler! Are you still doing those? I was thinking the other day that I'd like to share your body of work in a future post. Would that be something you'd like?
What a generous thought. Will email you.
Mmmmm. My first reaction? Very boring: He was researching background for a mystery novel (or ballad) idea that came to him in the middle of the night. My second reaction: surely someone who left behind so much love among his family wouldn’t have wanted to cause them such sorrow? And even experienced sailors can’t predict squalls https://continuouswave.com/ubb/Forum1/HTML/020215.html. But yes, talk about a mystery within a mystery ...
That’s the most plausible explanation. Or some have even postulated post-concussion amnesia. Through conversations with the family it seems his expert nautical skills and an adventurous, trickster nature have kept a desired and definitive answer out of reach.
Holy crap. That evidence does make things more complex, making the fantasy of him surviving possible. In any event, it makes a compelling story.
Right? Such a bizarre twist. Uncertainty seems to be the over-arching theme of my life.😏 PS, thank you for adding unfIxed to your recommendations!!!
I love that you used the word “dizzying” to describe this experience. Since you know my story now, it’s easier to see how events first destabilized in the mental realm, then slowly, it worked its way into my cells. I have to wonder now if that’s how illness/disease often works.