Early teen years, especially 13-16, are full of anxiety for most of us...if we’re honest with ourselves. Who among us would want to repeat those years? Our bodies are changing and fraught w strange new impulses, our emotional lives are stirring with confusion, our mental lives are imagining a scary yet exciting world beyond the cozy yet stifling comforts of home & family. Our psyches, maybe for the first time, are grappling with the dualities and paradoxes of life. Not a small task! And each of us (even if blessed with an encouraging parent or wise counselor) must go there alone...and survive those turbulent waters!
Excellent description of growing up in a "perfect family" (which I can totally relate to, albeit in a different time-spatial dimension). You are capturing the complex adolescing inner world so well!
Maybe you will... your account certainly made me think about it. I'm not writing a memoir though ... which is not to say that it couldn't crop up somewhere. Synchronosophy is related to working with trauma after all...
Oh my, Kimberly, I'm abuzz. 15 and 16 were a horrendous year for me, severe cystic acne - so much shame, on top of everything else. Big hearts to you - and hey, look at us now! 💃🏼😻❤️
"When I’m numb, I miss being excited about life and Carpé Diem-ing the shit out of everything, but it’s where I naturally gravitate in between conquests for perfection." I know this dance very well. Ugh. I always used to ask myself who I would be if I was trying to fix myself in some way or other but back then it felt akin to giving up.
It's astute of you to have the awareness back then to even ask that question! I don't think I knew I was even doing it. Fixing = surviving, or some version of trying to support life. Quite the paradox to now realize that dropping the fixing paradigm is wholly more life-serving.
Oh, I definitely didn’t know I was doing it at the time. It was more so when I started the healing process but couldn’t quite figure out how to let go of these behaviors I’d adopted to get through life (basically.) But yes, the paradox is real! I was always trying to figure everything out because I expected knowing to give me some semblance of control (it didn’t.) These days it’s not so important for me to have all the answers.
A worthy inquiry Shaler! Are we born knowing our True North? And then through conditioning and the structures of our lives, we lose it? Or are some of us born with less of a sense of that inner compass to begin with? I'd love hear others chime in on their thoughts on this. I may circle this question over to Notes for more discussion.
Early teen years, especially 13-16, are full of anxiety for most of us...if we’re honest with ourselves. Who among us would want to repeat those years? Our bodies are changing and fraught w strange new impulses, our emotional lives are stirring with confusion, our mental lives are imagining a scary yet exciting world beyond the cozy yet stifling comforts of home & family. Our psyches, maybe for the first time, are grappling with the dualities and paradoxes of life. Not a small task! And each of us (even if blessed with an encouraging parent or wise counselor) must go there alone...and survive those turbulent waters!
Excellent description of growing up in a "perfect family" (which I can totally relate to, albeit in a different time-spatial dimension). You are capturing the complex adolescing inner world so well!
I'd love to hear about your version of this sometime. :)
Maybe you will... your account certainly made me think about it. I'm not writing a memoir though ... which is not to say that it couldn't crop up somewhere. Synchronosophy is related to working with trauma after all...
I want to adopt you ...
Best.comment.ever.❤️
Oh my, Kimberly, I'm abuzz. 15 and 16 were a horrendous year for me, severe cystic acne - so much shame, on top of everything else. Big hearts to you - and hey, look at us now! 💃🏼😻❤️
I'm interpreting your emoji sequence and am quite happy to see we're both cat loving salsa dancers. ;)
"When I’m numb, I miss being excited about life and Carpé Diem-ing the shit out of everything, but it’s where I naturally gravitate in between conquests for perfection." I know this dance very well. Ugh. I always used to ask myself who I would be if I was trying to fix myself in some way or other but back then it felt akin to giving up.
It's astute of you to have the awareness back then to even ask that question! I don't think I knew I was even doing it. Fixing = surviving, or some version of trying to support life. Quite the paradox to now realize that dropping the fixing paradigm is wholly more life-serving.
Oh, I definitely didn’t know I was doing it at the time. It was more so when I started the healing process but couldn’t quite figure out how to let go of these behaviors I’d adopted to get through life (basically.) But yes, the paradox is real! I was always trying to figure everything out because I expected knowing to give me some semblance of control (it didn’t.) These days it’s not so important for me to have all the answers.
Amen to that!!! 🙏👏
A worthy inquiry Shaler! Are we born knowing our True North? And then through conditioning and the structures of our lives, we lose it? Or are some of us born with less of a sense of that inner compass to begin with? I'd love hear others chime in on their thoughts on this. I may circle this question over to Notes for more discussion.