You're spot on Shaler! I'm sure you've read some of Pema Chodrin's work... my first introduction to her was through the book "The Wisdom of No Escape." I was 19 or 20 and it planted seeds for developing equanimity and compassion for my experiences, instead of the earlier patterns of control, fixing and dissociating. I think your reflection on equanimity is beautiful and not ever articulated in such a compelling way - a bridge, as you say - "that enables us to cross from sadness to love as well as from hurt to joy." I'm going to remember this always!
I love how you’ve introduced us to several types of dissociation, pain, and desire for control. Your examples feel familiar to me and I’m sure to many other readers as well. Then you really caught my attention when you introduced the connection between sadness and love— “I see how the volume of her sadness is equal to and inseparable from the love she feels for her friend.” As well as the connection between hurt and joy—“Our bodies hurt all the time and our hearts transform the hurt into joy.” These connections make me think of the Four Immeasurables in Buddhism—equanimity, compassion, love and joy. And now I’m wondering if our tendency to dissociate when we lose control—a habit developed when we’re young—might be replaced by a developing sense of equanimity as we age? I think of equanimity as perspective. And being grounded in steadiness instead of floating above our bodies. And as we develop equanimity within ourselves, could it be the bridge that enables us to cross from sadness to love as well as from hurt to joy?
Reading this one was a tangle of joy and grief for me. I rarely let myself wander back to the memory of leaving the home that was Wisconsin...but more than that the home that was our friendship. I’ll be rereading this one for a long time. You are a beautiful writer...and the most lovely soul, Kim. Can’t believe I was the lucky one who got to adventure alongside you for all those years... xoxo- Jenny
I find myself longing to read your version of this day. I've always been stunned by how you articulate your experience and now, reading your comment, I'm realizing my little pre-adolescent brain never really knew how that day felt for you. Or the months and years that followed. What a strange experience for both of us to be inseparable and then gone from each other's lives in an instant. Of course, we had failed attempts at long-distance communication and visits but I think for both of us, it never compared to the daily, goofy, creative, joyful entanglements. We knew nothing else so didn't know how to nurture it, instead, feeling more like a death of sorts. I feel your ache sister. And I love you eternally.
Reading this vibrant memoir with the unexpected surprise of the characters themselves sharing and commenting from their future vantagepoint is such a rich and unique and almost mystical experience. Grateful to have stumbled upon your art, Kimberly!
Absolutely beautiful. I'm so glad you and Jenny are still in touch. When I read the chapter of her move to Tennessee I immediately wondered if you two managed to remain in each other's lives.
You're spot on Shaler! I'm sure you've read some of Pema Chodrin's work... my first introduction to her was through the book "The Wisdom of No Escape." I was 19 or 20 and it planted seeds for developing equanimity and compassion for my experiences, instead of the earlier patterns of control, fixing and dissociating. I think your reflection on equanimity is beautiful and not ever articulated in such a compelling way - a bridge, as you say - "that enables us to cross from sadness to love as well as from hurt to joy." I'm going to remember this always!
Chapter 7
I love how you’ve introduced us to several types of dissociation, pain, and desire for control. Your examples feel familiar to me and I’m sure to many other readers as well. Then you really caught my attention when you introduced the connection between sadness and love— “I see how the volume of her sadness is equal to and inseparable from the love she feels for her friend.” As well as the connection between hurt and joy—“Our bodies hurt all the time and our hearts transform the hurt into joy.” These connections make me think of the Four Immeasurables in Buddhism—equanimity, compassion, love and joy. And now I’m wondering if our tendency to dissociate when we lose control—a habit developed when we’re young—might be replaced by a developing sense of equanimity as we age? I think of equanimity as perspective. And being grounded in steadiness instead of floating above our bodies. And as we develop equanimity within ourselves, could it be the bridge that enables us to cross from sadness to love as well as from hurt to joy?
Reading this one was a tangle of joy and grief for me. I rarely let myself wander back to the memory of leaving the home that was Wisconsin...but more than that the home that was our friendship. I’ll be rereading this one for a long time. You are a beautiful writer...and the most lovely soul, Kim. Can’t believe I was the lucky one who got to adventure alongside you for all those years... xoxo- Jenny
I find myself longing to read your version of this day. I've always been stunned by how you articulate your experience and now, reading your comment, I'm realizing my little pre-adolescent brain never really knew how that day felt for you. Or the months and years that followed. What a strange experience for both of us to be inseparable and then gone from each other's lives in an instant. Of course, we had failed attempts at long-distance communication and visits but I think for both of us, it never compared to the daily, goofy, creative, joyful entanglements. We knew nothing else so didn't know how to nurture it, instead, feeling more like a death of sorts. I feel your ache sister. And I love you eternally.
It's almost impossible to read your work and not wish that you'd known the author. For me, anyway.
Kim meet Adam. Adam, Kim. 😏
Reading this vibrant memoir with the unexpected surprise of the characters themselves sharing and commenting from their future vantagepoint is such a rich and unique and almost mystical experience. Grateful to have stumbled upon your art, Kimberly!
Absolutely beautiful. I'm so glad you and Jenny are still in touch. When I read the chapter of her move to Tennessee I immediately wondered if you two managed to remain in each other's lives.
We did. ;) Not as much or often as we'd like, but our hearts still very much carry each other and will do so until we're old and gray.
Oh. This is starting to feel eerily familiar.
Is that so? Love to hear more about that. ;)
Can't say it enough: How hooked I am on Kimberly's memoir and everything else she writes!
So you know! Quite a painful experience. Sorry to hear it stunted your MLB career. :)