Omg Kimberly, you are such a good writer! It’s beyond memoir for me. I know this is your life and the lives of the people you love but with your writing skill you take it to another level. I love these characters so much, they live inside of me somewhere, you draw them so beautifully that we can’t help but be moved.
I have a pro Zoom account and can arrange to do this. I've made you a VIP in my Mac mail so that your email arrives and I see it. I'll begin by sending you a "Let's connect" email. Reply and we'll set something up.
Kimberly, another great and revealing chapter. Love your writing style.
“The invisible tentacles of my mind had already had seventeen years of practice reaching into the dark boxes of other people’s heads and figuring out how they wanted me to respond. It’s much safer to fit myself into another person’s truth than tug on the thread of my own — because if I did, my story might unravel. My sense of being an outsider would no longer be a sense, it would be a truth. Did I know deep in my bones that I was “different”, that I wasn’t a Warner? Did I push that intuition away by denying myself a voice, afraid that if I spoke up, the dissonance would be alarmingly clear? I want nothing more than to fit in with my family, especially to be accepted by mom and dad. And not because I feel like they’re the “cool crowd” and I admire all their qualities, rather I’m terrified of my own truth and the consequences of it surfacing.”
This truly resonated with me. From a sibling point of view, I found out that my older brother was really my half-brother. I think I was like 18 years but we both were told at the same time. We were both shocked, but it definitely weighed heavier on him as he all of sudden did not know who his real father was. For me, after the initial shock wore off it didn’t matter as he was still just my brother. The brother that I grew up with and shared my life with, he was family 100%. But I think you really touch on another issue that we all in our society deal with either consciously or not and that is “to fit in”. Formulating our identity based on what family, friends, society want and expect rather than our true self. When we are always trying to fit-in we never really find our tribe of like-minded people never truly connecting and experiencing that fulfillment. I believe this certainly builds a lot of stress as we navigate life in conflict with our true self and quite possibly contributes to illness. I’m not sure if any of that makes sense. I am currently reading a great book called “The Myth of Normal” by Gabor Mate MD. This is discussing this very topic and how the hidden stresses we experience when trying to be someone elses “normal” are a cause of many medical conditions.
This is such a profound reflection Rex. I've had The Myth of Normal recommended to me multiple times - I think I need to just queue it up on my kindle. :) "When we are always trying to fit-in we never really find our tribe of like-minded people and never truly connecting and experiencing that fulfillment. I believe this certainly builds a lot of stress as we navigate life in conflict with our true self and quite possibly contributes to illness." This statement has made me pause quite a bit, tossing and turning it around in my head, and it certainly rings true.
First of all, your writing is beautiful and captivating. Second, I care about you and love you deeply and just want to go back and hug your teenage self. Thank you for being so vulnerable, and I hope that you feel some healing through this process. You hold a special place in my heart .
Oh Corine! What a treasure to have you following along as I share. It's not the same as being alongside each other as we navigated those teen years but I do feel your hug and presence now... and cherish it. xoxo
Oh gosh! What a dear thing to say! I love the process, though I can never say it comes easily. Trying to articulate exactly what I intend often feels like I’m trying to recall a language I spoke in another life.🤣
This is my favorite chapter so far. The way your words allows us to feel the differences between your relationships with your mother and father has helped me recognize more nuances in my own relationships with my parents. I also appreciate your honesty and willingness to highlight some of the messiness of love and family bonds. Once again, luscious language. Hard to pick favorites, but this passage made me catch my breath (in a good way;-), “For a fraction of a second, I felt like I was remembering a sequence of notes from a dream and if I could just hold on a bit longer, I’d recall the entire song.
Mom turned to me and stated plainly, “There is a chance that dad isn’t your biological father,” — I HEAR THE NOTE! —“but isn’t it more interesting to know now that you belong to the mystery?” — AND NOW IT’S GONE.”
I appreciate your feedback so so so much Shaler. I have insecure moments where I wonder if I should really be sharing ANY of this, or if it's landing at all on soft, interested hearts. It's comforting to hear that my sharing is helping you recognize some of the nuances in your relationships as well. That's pure gold to me. Next time you're on the west coast we should sit down over a long breakfast and deepen into some of these themes together. xo
Came here to echo back how powerful “sleep and death wear the same face” is, to find Mr. Troy Ford expressing the same three months ago.
The picture of you and your dad at the end shows the face of death in a new light. My daughter is 13 and your memoir has been especially moving for me as a father.
Omg Kimberly, you are such a good writer! It’s beyond memoir for me. I know this is your life and the lives of the people you love but with your writing skill you take it to another level. I love these characters so much, they live inside of me somewhere, you draw them so beautifully that we can’t help but be moved.
Really?! I am at once baffled and vibrating with your feedback. Eeeee!
Wonderful how you are touching others in the comments. I feel as if we must talk ...
Yes! I feel the same way Mary. Can we set something up over in email? I would love to have a zoom tea with you.
I have a pro Zoom account and can arrange to do this. I've made you a VIP in my Mac mail so that your email arrives and I see it. I'll begin by sending you a "Let's connect" email. Reply and we'll set something up.
"Sleep and death wear the same face." Chills.
Kimberly, another great and revealing chapter. Love your writing style.
“The invisible tentacles of my mind had already had seventeen years of practice reaching into the dark boxes of other people’s heads and figuring out how they wanted me to respond. It’s much safer to fit myself into another person’s truth than tug on the thread of my own — because if I did, my story might unravel. My sense of being an outsider would no longer be a sense, it would be a truth. Did I know deep in my bones that I was “different”, that I wasn’t a Warner? Did I push that intuition away by denying myself a voice, afraid that if I spoke up, the dissonance would be alarmingly clear? I want nothing more than to fit in with my family, especially to be accepted by mom and dad. And not because I feel like they’re the “cool crowd” and I admire all their qualities, rather I’m terrified of my own truth and the consequences of it surfacing.”
This truly resonated with me. From a sibling point of view, I found out that my older brother was really my half-brother. I think I was like 18 years but we both were told at the same time. We were both shocked, but it definitely weighed heavier on him as he all of sudden did not know who his real father was. For me, after the initial shock wore off it didn’t matter as he was still just my brother. The brother that I grew up with and shared my life with, he was family 100%. But I think you really touch on another issue that we all in our society deal with either consciously or not and that is “to fit in”. Formulating our identity based on what family, friends, society want and expect rather than our true self. When we are always trying to fit-in we never really find our tribe of like-minded people never truly connecting and experiencing that fulfillment. I believe this certainly builds a lot of stress as we navigate life in conflict with our true self and quite possibly contributes to illness. I’m not sure if any of that makes sense. I am currently reading a great book called “The Myth of Normal” by Gabor Mate MD. This is discussing this very topic and how the hidden stresses we experience when trying to be someone elses “normal” are a cause of many medical conditions.
Rex
This is such a profound reflection Rex. I've had The Myth of Normal recommended to me multiple times - I think I need to just queue it up on my kindle. :) "When we are always trying to fit-in we never really find our tribe of like-minded people and never truly connecting and experiencing that fulfillment. I believe this certainly builds a lot of stress as we navigate life in conflict with our true self and quite possibly contributes to illness." This statement has made me pause quite a bit, tossing and turning it around in my head, and it certainly rings true.
First of all, your writing is beautiful and captivating. Second, I care about you and love you deeply and just want to go back and hug your teenage self. Thank you for being so vulnerable, and I hope that you feel some healing through this process. You hold a special place in my heart .
Oh Corine! What a treasure to have you following along as I share. It's not the same as being alongside each other as we navigated those teen years but I do feel your hug and presence now... and cherish it. xoxo
Your writing is gorgeous! So glad I saw your Substack come up in Sarah Fay’s note today!
Oh gosh! What a dear thing to say! I love the process, though I can never say it comes easily. Trying to articulate exactly what I intend often feels like I’m trying to recall a language I spoke in another life.🤣
I get that. But you're doing an amazing job. I can't wait to read through more of your posts!
🙏❤️
This is also my favorite chapter so far.... keep it coming...
So happy to see you here friend!!
This is my favorite chapter so far. The way your words allows us to feel the differences between your relationships with your mother and father has helped me recognize more nuances in my own relationships with my parents. I also appreciate your honesty and willingness to highlight some of the messiness of love and family bonds. Once again, luscious language. Hard to pick favorites, but this passage made me catch my breath (in a good way;-), “For a fraction of a second, I felt like I was remembering a sequence of notes from a dream and if I could just hold on a bit longer, I’d recall the entire song.
Mom turned to me and stated plainly, “There is a chance that dad isn’t your biological father,” — I HEAR THE NOTE! —“but isn’t it more interesting to know now that you belong to the mystery?” — AND NOW IT’S GONE.”
I appreciate your feedback so so so much Shaler. I have insecure moments where I wonder if I should really be sharing ANY of this, or if it's landing at all on soft, interested hearts. It's comforting to hear that my sharing is helping you recognize some of the nuances in your relationships as well. That's pure gold to me. Next time you're on the west coast we should sit down over a long breakfast and deepen into some of these themes together. xo
Now that’s an invitation worth braving the TSA line for!
Sweet ❤️🙏❤️🔥
What a treat to feel your support today. Hearts and gratitude back.
Came here to echo back how powerful “sleep and death wear the same face” is, to find Mr. Troy Ford expressing the same three months ago.
The picture of you and your dad at the end shows the face of death in a new light. My daughter is 13 and your memoir has been especially moving for me as a father.