I was, I am

Unfixed video

I’m getting to the point that because of the condition of my heart being in such a place of healing, I don’t need my body to be healed anymore. And I want to be able to spread that joy and that hope and that trust that I have to other people...to know that your body doesn’t have to be fixed in order for your heart to be healed.

- Kristy, CPTSD, trigeminal neuralgia

Did your shoulders drop and exhales deepen when you read the above quote from this month’s Unfixed episode? Mine did. 

Kristy lives with an excruciating disorder Trigeminal Neuralgia. Maybe you’ve heard it referred to as "the suicide disease." She is also a survivor or childhood trauma and has worked for decades to bring healing into her life. So you can imagine the overwhelming, full-body chills I experienced while listening to her talk about the growing sense of surrender, trust and love she is experiencing despite her layers of pain. She's a beautiful demonstration of the dynamic continuum of living Unfixed—surrender and peace walking hand-in-hand with a determination to heal. Kristy has had multiple brain surgeries to help mitigate the symptoms of her pain, but knows she’s likely in it for the long haul. It's overwhelming to even think about but here she is, radiating her grace, committing herself to a path of sharing joy with others and living the peace within the storm.

This is how adversity can transform.

In this month’s episode I Was, I Am, we explore our pre- and post-diagnosis selves. The parts we lost, the parts that have been reshaped and the parts that never would’ve been born had we not encountered the everyday challenges of living with chronic conditions. We heard resounding themes of, "I used to be more social" or "I used to be more spontaneous," "I had bigger plans for my life," and in the same breath "I am now more present, more empathic and more aware of my inherent self-worth." These twenty individuals all agree that while chronic conditions can chisel away at an identity, it can also compost that loss and nurture more gracious, humble, and meaningful lives; where we recognize not what the illness has done to us, but what it’s done for us.