I was, I am
I’m getting to the point that because of the condition of my heart being in such a place of healing, I don’t need my body to be healed anymore. And I want to be able to spread that joy and that hope and that trust that I have to other people...to know that your body doesn’t have to be fixed in order for your heart to be healed.
- Kristy, CPTSD, trigeminal neuralgia
Did your shoulders drop and exhales deepen when you read the above quote from this month’s Unfixed episode? Mine did.
Kristy lives with an excruciating disorder Trigeminal Neuralgia. Maybe you’ve heard it referred to as "the suicide disease." She is also a survivor or childhood trauma and has worked for decades to bring healing into her life. So you can imagine the overwhelming, full-body chills I experienced while listening to her talk about the growing sense of surrender, trust and love she is experiencing despite her layers of pain. She's a beautiful demonstration of the dynamic continuum of living Unfixed—surrender and peace walking hand-in-hand with a determination to heal. Kristy has had multiple brain surgeries to help mitigate the symptoms of her pain, but knows she’s likely in it for the long haul. It's overwhelming to even think about but here she is, radiating her grace, committing herself to a path of sharing joy with others and living the peace within the storm.
This is how adversity can transform.
In this month’s episode I Was, I Am, we explore our pre- and post-diagnosis selves. The parts we lost, the parts that have been reshaped and the parts that never would’ve been born had we not encountered the everyday challenges of living with chronic conditions. We heard resounding themes of, "I used to be more social" or "I used to be more spontaneous," "I had bigger plans for my life," and in the same breath "I am now more present, more empathic and more aware of my inherent self-worth." These twenty individuals all agree that while chronic conditions can chisel away at an identity, it can also compost that loss and nurture more gracious, humble, and meaningful lives; where we recognize not what the illness has done to us, but what it’s done for us.
"These twenty individuals all agree that while chronic conditions can chisel away at an identity, it can also compost that loss and nurture more gracious, humble, and meaningful lives; where we recognize not what the illness has done to us, but what it’s done for us." - Yes!!! Thank you for sharing another video that perfectly captures the experience. I relate especially to being someone who was always there for others to the detriment of me, and bah, in the end they didn't care for loyal friends or wanted more of me than I could give. And today I am my best friend and cultivate time and support for those who see me as I am, love me as I am, stick by me even with time and distance. I also don't care anymore if someone gets upset that I'm "flakey". It's been freeing and relieving. Much love and big hugs, Kimberly! :-*
"...what the illness has done for us, not what it has done to us."
Powerful ending!!
Thank you so much for recording and sharing these stories, reminding us that disablement ~ like death ~ is part of human life.
It reminds me of the book 'Elderhood' by Louise Aronson, where she explains that the medical system is set up to treat deviations from assumed 'normality'. Aronson specialises in geriatrics (where a higher percentage of disablement is to be expected) and found that the prescribed drugs were never tested on elderly people, whose organism responds differently than a 'normal' body system....
I guess what I'm trying to say is: as soon as we see ourselves and everyone as a unique precious human being, rather than measuring everyone (ourselves) against a fictive Mr/Ms Normal, a significant portion of the suffering instantly drops away.
Thank you so much for your work 💗🙏